What a racket

A "disabled, homeless" conman boarded my bus this morning, the second bus which heads down Spring St. I've used quotes there because while he'd like everyone to think he's disabled and homeless, I very much doubt he is. What he is, plain & simple, is a conman.

He hobbled on board the bus, leaning heavily (and prominently) on his walking stick, then started his spiel, in espanol of course. Why in espanol? Because speakers of espanol are predominantly Roman Catholic, or at least Christian, and this guy uses that to his benefit. I see the same thing at our freeway offramps, "homeless" people deliberately targeting the hispanics, using signs written in espanol (first, with an english translation second) intended to provoke sympathy and charitable feelings in the reader. Catholocism has instilled in their espanol-speaking parishioners an almost irresistible urge to give their money away. It's why the Catholic Church is one of the richest "non-profit" organizations in the entire world, because it's so good at convincing Catholics to give away their money, whether they can afford it or not.

Back to the story.

Leaning heavily on his walking stick, the conman talks slowly and softly, in espanol, and I don't know what he's saying, maybe just preaching, I don't know. He talks for a while then says in english "ladies & gentlemen, god bless you" then he switches back to espanol. One lady (of south-american descent) fell for it and gave him a dollar. I was not surprised to see her cross herself seconds later (you know, spectacles, testicles, wallet & watch, well, that was more accurate back when a man used to carry his wallet in his left vest pocket and his fob watch in the right). I've seen this guy operate before so I ignored him as he slowly made his way down the aisle, as did most everyone else.

When we arrived at my stop I saw the conman was second-in-line at the rear door, and given how he'd leaned on his stick I figured it would take him a while to get off, so I went to the front door, which is closer to the corner anyway. As I got off the light was changing so I crossed Spring St. (with the light), got to the other side and stopped, waiting for the light to change again so I could cross 6th St. Naturally I was looking across 6th St. at this point in time, and I could not believe my eyes when I saw the conman there, on the opposite corner, running to get in line to board a north bound bus.

In the time I'd taken to cross one street, this "crippled" man had crossed both streets. Remember I said the light was changing as I got off the bus, this meant the conman had run across the road against the lights. This is the same guy who leaned so reliantly on his walking stick on my bus, and yet he was able to run to catch a second bus.

Sure enough, once he'd boarded, I saw him again slump over his stick at the front of the bus and I could hear his voice in my head as he started his spiel.

I will give him credit for having a good work ethic; it was barely 6am and he was already working the marks. That's dedication for you. But let's consider this.

He rides a bus for no more than 10 minutes, and within 60 seconds of him getting off a bus he'll be on another one, working that set of passengers. He might get just $1 on one trip, and nothing on another, but every now and then he probably hits it big and scores $10 or more, and he probably nails that at least once an hour. He probably rides the buses for almost 12 hours, 6am to 6pm, and he probably makes at least $20 per hour. Let's say he takes time out for lunch, he probably still stops for no more than 30 minutes. Time is money after all, and he probably still averages $20+ per hour for the whole day. That's a 12 hour day, by the way. That's $240 (or more) for one day, $1200 for the 5-day week, approx. $5,000 for the month, or $60,000 for the year, clear, no tax, no social security, no deductions at all. He keeps the lot! And to "earn" that $60,000 he does nothing more than ride the buses all day, fleecing naive sheep out of their money. If he really is homeless he probably sleeps at the mission, so no cost to him. Then he has dinner and breakfast at the mission, again, no cost to him. Come to think of it he probably doesn't even break for lunch (he'd have to spend his own money for that), so no lunch = no cost. So of that $5,000 he gets each month, he keeps it all.

Oh, but how humiliating it must be to have to beg for money every minute of every day, you say.

Er...are you not getting this? This guy is not "begging" for money. This is his job! He's a conman tricking gullible people into giving him money. It's not humiliating at all. If I knew that I could make a guaranteed $60,000 (that's Net) just by riding a bus for 12 hours a day, five days a week, and asking people for money...Hell yeah, I'd do it, and I wouldn't be embarrassed about it.

Look at what I do now.

I get up at 4:45 (or a little later), and I leave home at 5:30. I'm already on board a bus by 5:45, but I can get up at 4:45, have breakfast and be on board a bus at 5:15am, and I do that sometimes, too. So my "working day" would start then instead of at 6:15 when I get to my office. I currently work a 9 1/2 hour a day (but I only work 9 days in the fortnight) and I get home around 5pm. I could be riding the buses for the 12 hours like this guy, and still be home at a similar time to what I am now, and I'd be bringing home more than my current gross wage.

Hmmm...my current job will allow me 12-months of unpaid leave of absence, and at the end of that 12-months I can walk straight back into my job, no hassles, no questions asked.

I think the choice is obvious, don't you? I think it's time Cap'n John became a "disabled, homeless" Cap'n.

"Yar! I was an honest, sea-faring man, a god-fearing man. I went to Church every Sunday unless I was at sea, and then I always made sure to read my bible. Then one day a fierce sea serpent attacked my ship and bit my leg clean off. (Knock on "wooden leg" at this point, actually small plank of wood strapped to thigh). Oh, I'm not angry with God, for he was watching out for me that day. That sea serpent might have got my leg, but God made sure I'm still here today, and He made sure I can still tell you all that Jesus loves you. Oh yes, he does. Yar! Now gimme your damn money! Yar! Thank you, thank you very much. God bless you, God bless you all. Yar."

Hell, with a spiel like that, I could probably clear $100,000 per year.