My son...and my other son

Last night I took my son and his friend (as Tiger Cub Scouts) to a local Fire Station, where they saw lots of cool stuff, including a Thermal Imager which allows the Fire Fighters to find people inside smoke filled buildings. The Fire Fighters turned the TI on me and asked the two boys who they could see. JE's friend excitedly exclaimed, "my dad!"

This is actually not the first time he's referred to me as such, and given the situation he's living in it's not that surprising, either. JE's friend is Chinese. He lives with his mother and his older sister while his real father lives in China. This is not that uncommon for Chinese families to do. My wife used to work with another lady who lived here with her son while her husband lived and worked in China, and they'd see each other for a week or so every couple of months. JE's friend is also not the only one in their class in this situation. Now me, I can't imagine living away from my family and only seeing them for a week or two every couple of months, if that.

Being Chinese JE's friend's first language is, naturally enough, Chinese, which brings communication differences into the equation. I know that when translated literally some Chinese phrases can become quite humorous, although their intention can still be deciphered. I'm rather ticklish, and sometimes my wife likes to take advantage of that. She was tickling me at her parents' house one time (a particularly sensitive place to be tickled) when her mom asked if I was "scared of tickle". Which really does make sense but is still amusing to hear it said :)

The Chinese language also has different names for paternal and maternal grandparents. If you're the grandparents on the mother's side you'll always be called Abu and Goong-goong, although Liz's Dad actually gets Doong-doong because JE couldn't pronounce the initial G and the name just stuck. Even the FIL refers to himself as Doong-doong, which got him strange looks from the Chinese kids at JE's school because while Goong-goong is "Grandpa on mama's side", Doong-doong doesn't mean a thing.

The Chinese also have words/names for people not related to you, so rather than calling an elderly lady "Hey, you!" or "Old woman", you can actually call her something respectable. It's something akin to Grandmother although it's not the same name you'd use for either of your biological grandmothers. It still means Old Woman, it's just a polite way of saying it ;)

So, coming full circle, JE's friend saying I'm his Dad does not mean he thinks I'm his father (although he sees me more than he does his real father), but is nothing more than him translating a Chinese word for father-figure into its closest English expression. I'm sure it sounds strange to onlookers though, to see the distinctly Chinese boy calling this very white man "Dad". The first time it happened JE got a little upset that his friend appeared to be laying claim to me, but last night he either missed it or didn't care. I don't know what the three white Fire Fighters thought, especially as it had already been established that JE was my son.

My daughter is currently doing a very similar thing, not in calling us Mum and Dad, which we are, but in laying claim to us. When Liz's cousin & her family visited a few weeks ago their little boy (who is around our daughter's age) came up and gave me a hug. Our daughter saw this and ran up to me, screaming "Mine!" Funnily enough she doesn't just do this to strangers but does it to her own brother. If she's hugging or cuddling with us JE cannot come near, or she gets very possessive. Likewise if we're getting cuddles from JE, she will again do her "Mine!" routine. We explain that we're also JE's mummy and daddy, and she does use the Chinese word for "big brother" to describe JE (I'm not sure how to spell it, but it's pronounced by saying a hard G twice in quick succession) so she knows that JE is her big brother, but we're her mummy & daddy, and you better not forget it!