The real post

So the primary reason for going to Australia this time around was to meet Keith, the new man in my mum's life, and to walk her down the aisle when she married him.

Keith & Mum met us at the airport, along with my older sister, Kim. And strangely enough, it didn't seem strange seeing Mum with Keith. Even when they kissed in front of me it didn't seem that odd, even though Keith is not my Dad. I mean when you think about it this is someone who's not my Dad and he's kissing my Mum, but it was a non-issue. Both my kids took to him like he was a long lost uncle (or grandfather ;) and again I didn't have any problems with my kids calling someone not my Dad "Poppy".

During the second week we went out to the cemetery. In cleaning up my old things I'd found my old wooden Emmaus cross so I decided I'd leave that at Jonno's grave while we were out there, it was strangely symbolic because our Emmaus group pretty much died when Jonno did. In fact most of the Emmaus members dropped their crosses on his coffin before he was buried. I've left mine there now, too, just 18 years later. Funny to think that Jonno has almost been dead now for as long as he lived. That's one of those "What ifs?" "What if Jonno hadn't died? What would life have been like now with my best mate still around?" And honestly? I have no idea.

I got a little teary when I saw the plaque on Dad's grave and we put some flowers down there and I knelt down to wipe some grass off that had been sprayed there from a recent mowing and that was when I really broke down and cried. I'll always miss my Dad, but life goes on, too. Life has to go on, because the alternative is not an alternative, it's just a cop out.

Life goes on and now my Mum is married to the new man in her life and I still miss my Dad a hell of a lot, but I'm ok with Mum being married to someone else.

Walking Mum down the aisle was partly tradition, but I also wonder if maybe that decision was also made as therapy for me as well. By walking Mum down the aisle, as I mentioned in a post a while back, I had to confront the fact that my Dad is dead and life is still going on. Well, Dad being dead never entered my mind as I walked Mum down the aisle. In fact it wasn't that hard at all. I was looking Keith in the eye the whole time and smiling at him in an attempt to show that the wedding had my full approval (which probably has something to do with Dad's death), but of course Keith wasn't looking at me, he had nothing but tear-filled eyes for my Mum. Which just made the whole thing easier still, seeing just how much in love with my Mum he was.

Now that they've found each other and made this commitment to each other, I wish my Mum and Keith the longest, happiest & healthiest of lives together.