Canceling DISH TV

A couple of weeks ago we moved and canceled our cable TV service (Dish TV), which we had originally subscribed to as part of a package deal through our phone company ( AT&T).

When I called Dish earlier this month and told the rep we were moving he was quite persistent about getting the service transferred to our new location, but I was equally persistent about canceling. Finally he said he would mail some boxes for us to pack our Dish equipment into, boxes that we would use to mail the Dish equipment back to them. The Rep took down our new address, a couple of weeks went by, but no boxes arrived.

Today I called Dish back to find out where the boxes were, and right from the start it was obvious there would be problems.

"Thank you for calling Dish Network. If you are an existing customer or have technical issues, press 1. For all other inquiries, press 2. To repeat this Menu Press * ."

Yep, that was all the options I had.

So...2...I guess.

"Please wait while we direct your call to the agent who can best assist you."

Tum te tum te tum.

"Thank you for calling AT&T. Is the number you're calling about xxx-xxx-xxxx (my new home phone number)?" asked the automated system.

AT&T? WTF? Er..."No!"

"Please enter or say your 10-digit phone number associated with your account."

Rather than confuse the voice recognition program with my Aussie accent I keyed in our old phone number.

"Thank you. I'll just look that up."

Queue in little, clicking, typing-type sounds meant to make us think the computer is actually typing on a keyboard.

"Okay. Now in a few words, please tell me the reason why you're calling. For example, to add Caller ID service to your account, you could say 'Add service'."

I spoke into my phone as clearly as I could - DISH TV

"Thank you. Please wait while we direct your call to the agent who can best assist you."

Tum te tum te tum.

"Thank you for calling Dish Network. If you are an existing customer or have technical issues, press 1. For all other inquiries, press 2. To repeat this Menu Press * ."

o_O

I guess it's 1 then.

"Please wait while we direct your call to the agent who can best assist you."

Tum te tum te tum.

"Thank you for calling AT&T. Is the number you're calling about xxx-xxx-xxxx (my new home phone number)."

What? Again??? "NO!"

"Please enter or say your 10-digit phone number associated with your account."

Grr.

I keyed in our old number, again, queue in more clicking, typing sounds, and finally a woman answered...just as my In-laws chose to call. So as the Rep was trying to talk to me my Call Waiting was beeping and obliterating her every other word. Eventually we confirmed that she couldn't help me because she was with Sales and I needed Equipment Returns. She offered to transfer me and I explained that I'd been back & forth a couple of times so could she please make sure I got to the correct department.

I guess that was the wrong thing to say.

"Thank you for calling Dish Network. If you are an existing customer or have technical issues, press 1. For all other inquiries, press 2. To repeat this Menu Press * ."

I think I pressed 1 again, I forget now. My brain is trying to repress this period of my life. Finally I managed to speak to another Rep, this one a man with an Indian accent, who began every sentence with "I apologize...".

(If your Rep has a foreign accent, constantly apologizes, and uses phrases like "Let me access my resources" chances are you're dealing with someone who probably cannot help you, but will merely "refer your issue to the research department".)

I gave this fellow the benefit of the doubt, and my old phone number, at which point he accessed his resources to find my account, then told me I needed to wait 7-10 business days for the Return boxes to arrive.

I told him it had already been 7-10 business days and we still hadn't received the boxes. He apologized (yet again) then said he would have new Return boxes mailed "to your address..." at which point he began to recite my old address.

"No! That's my old address." He ignored me and continued to recite my old address. "That's my old address!" I said, shouting him down. "We moved. We're not there any more."

He apologized, again, and that was it. "Just transfer me to your supervisor," I told him. "All you can do is apologize! You can't help me so transfer me to your supervisor."

"I apologize..."

"Supervisor!"

Hold music came on the line. Hold music, with a Hindi influence. I was pretty sure I could hear a sitar strumming away. Interesting. I was on hold for several minutes and Liz said, "they're not picking up. They want you to hang up."

"I'm not hanging up," I told her, and that's when my phone beeped. I looked at the screen and saw 'Call Ended'. They had hung up on me.

Bastiches.

I guess it's time to take a trip to the old place to see if there are a couple of Return boxes waiting for me there, because apparently if you don't return their equipment they like to charge you for it, and that stuff ain't cheap.