Today my office is having their March of Dimes fund raising bake sale.
After being off both Monday and Tuesday I got into work this morning, logged into my email, and the first email that catches my eye has the subject "Quarters and other coins".
No, it's not spam. It's from one of the girls organizing today's Bake Sale. It was sent at 4pm yesterday afternoon and it says: "Can I give you some dollars bills for coins? I did not have time to get change today - need it for tomorrow's bake sale."
What am I, a bank?
I've mentioned before that as I manage the office coffee fund my coworkers are often hitting me up for change, and in some cases it's not a simple request like "Can you break a twenty?" (which usually I can) but a more demanding "I need two tens." and usually it's the same woman who makes requests like this.
"I need a ten, a five, and five ones."
That's not a question because she doesn't ask if I can make change. She just hands out a twenty and demands change, in specific quantities of specific denominations.
How about twenty ones?
My response is met with the incredulous look that her own demand should have received.
"Can I give you some dollars bills for coins? I did not have time to get change today - need it for tomorrow's bake sale."
I give my response more effort than it deserved but long answer short, No, you can't. I have no change.
Now we get to the fun part, which is actually short for inFUriatiNg,
With my daughter's Girl Scout cookie orders arriving this weekend I actually came into work on Monday (even though we were closed for the President's Day holiday.) because my
Now while most of my coworkers paid in advance for their cookies, nine coworkers did not. Knowing most of them would probably not pay $4 or $8 but would have $5 or $20 bills and so expect change, I came into work this morning with a wallet full of one and five-dollar bills so I could make change. Because I'm a former Boy Scout so I'm Prepared.
So you can imagine how irked I was to see the email from my coworker requesting I make change for her because she didn't have time to get to the bank herself. Hell-fucking-O??? Isn't there a bank right across the road from our office? Why yes, I believe there is. And yes, I know Monday was a President's Day and thus a Bank Holiday, but hell-fucking-O??? Have you not heard of delegation? If you, personally, are so busy that you can't take 10 minutes to walk across the road to the bank to get change...send someone else! Geez, Louise! Good golly, Miss Molly! Etc.
So here I am, at my desk this morning, and one of the girls comes up to me and asks for change. She has a twenty and she wants change. No, not for her cookie order. She wants change for the Bake Sale. I pull out the coffee fund tin but I already know there's no change in there (I looked earlier) so she asks if I can make change. As in me, personally.
Actually yes, I can, I reply, but I need this change for my cookie orders ("Because I'm fucking Prepared! I scream. Silently. In my mind.)
We go back & forth and I'm very reluctant to hand over all my change (all $20 of it) but in the end this woman out passive-aggressives me and I reluctantly hand over my change. Reluctantly, because I already know what's going to happen. The first couple of customers at the Bake Sale are going to pay with $20 bills, because today is payday, and there's an ATM in the building's lobby. So those first two customers will pay with $20 bills straight out of the ATM and take all of the Bake Sale's change (by which I mean my change) and the next 20 customers in line behind them? If you think they've come straight from the ATM and all have $20 bills too, then you'd be right.
And naturally, as I type this, I just had the second person come by asking if I had change for the Bake Sale.
No! I fucking don't! You already took all my change! Get the fuck out of here!
By which I mean I politely replied, No, I don't have any more change. Now fuck off. Oops. Did I say that out loud? Of course I didn't, because I'm a professional, at least I am at work. This Blog doesn't count.
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5 comments:
I am the blood of trees. I'm a sap.
In an effort to sell the last of their Bake Sale items everything is currently half-price, so I trotted on down to the lobby to see if I could get my change back, but I was being sneaky about it. I was going to buy something for a dollar and pay with a $20 and wouldn't you know it, the girl who couldn't be arsed going to the bank yesterday is serving me.
I hope you have something smaller than a $20, she says to me. Because apparently everyone is paying with $20 bills (Go figure) so they have no change.
I tell her I don't, that all I have are $20s, and in an attempt to garner some sympathy explain that I did bring in change this morning for my Girl Scout cookie orders but the other girl insisted on taking it for the Bake Sale. Sympathy? Ha! Her response at being told I'd given up my own change? Was I really expecting a 'sorry'? HA!
Good! was what she said.
Bitch! was what I thought.
Someone once tried to tell me that for the most part people are good. Bull shit. Ultimately, most people are selfish pricks and will always consider their own needs first, and damn anyone else who gets in their way. Just look at the footage from all those Black Friday sales. People will quite literally walk over others to get a bargain.
That's how much the average citizen cares about you. Car broken down on the side of the road? Dozens of people will drive past before anyone will dare to lend a hand.
You can even die on the floor of an E.R. while bored nurses and security guards look on.
You are not a special snow flake. Nobody cares about you. Fuck you, fuck you very much.
Cap'n John you contradict your own argument through your own honesty,
A less scrupulous soul than yourself would have lied with a smile on their face when asked whether or not they had change.
That's the nail on the head, MBP; I'm too nice to my coworkers. I can be a real bastard if I think the occasion warrants it, but for friends & family I'll make an exception. And now I think I see the problem. I think I was viewing my coworkers as my friends when they're really just my coworkers. Yes, I need to get along with them if I want to enjoy working here (and continue working here), I can be friendly toward them, but I don't have to consider them my friends.
Indeed, life gets easier when you make that mental shift in thinking that coworkers aren't really friends. Then you wind up working with family, and oh, the drama potential...
Oh, and on the topic of change, I may be terrible, but I'll flat out deny having cash at all in most cases. I think the saying is "Lack of preparation on your part does not constitute an emergency on mine."
Tesh, I'm going to have to start having "no change". It's actually easier to do that now because of the vending machines so folks are making change themselves at the coffee pot (we're on an honor system. It works, sort of :P) so usually I'll leave the $1 bills in the cup and just take out the $5s, and sometimes the odd $10 or $20 bill.
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