Shopping...over Thanksgiving

Saturday morning I was supposed to donate blood, platelets in particular. I had an 8:30 appointment with City of Hope and I was right on time, then I read the list of items that excludes you from donating blood: having a cold or the flu, recent piercings...tattoos. I had to tell the lady I got a tattoo in February so I'm not able to donate blood for another 5 months.

On the way home my cellphone buzzed to tell me I'd missed a call from the in-laws but they hadn't left a message. When I got home they'd left a message on our machine asking for Liz's help but she was still sleeping so JE and I played video games for a while.

The in-laws called again around 10am and Liz took the call; their TV had died and they wanted our help buying a new one. I had to violate a personal rule of mine not to set foot in a shopping center between Thanksgiving and New Years just to help the in-laws get a new TV. I did insist that I couldn't carry it (my left arm is still f'd up, torn muscles take a looooong time to heal) and that they'd have to get the TV delivered. I was angling for an online purchase but it wasn't going to happen; the in-laws wanted to visit a brick & stone store and they wanted me along for my "expert" advice, which consisted of me looking at TVs and picking out the cheapest one with the clearest picture. They got a 27" Sony Flatscreen (not Flat Panel, old style bulky CRT but in a Flat Screen) with an insanely sharp picture for just $300. Next to our old Toshiba (newer model of our old TV) it looked amazing. I'm jealous. Liz found a big screen TV online last night for cheap (for a big screen) but we resisted...I think...I wonder if she still went ahead and bought it. I did tell her to :D

The FIL asked how much for delivery and was told $50. That's too much for him and we have the SUV with us (why didn't we drive my Focus?!?!) so he says we'll take it. I repeat to Liz that there's no way I can carry the TV, or even help carry the TV, not into their house nor upstairs where they'll want it. My arm will heal on its own, slowly, but it will heal; if I attempt to pick up something as heavy as a TV I'm gonna need surgery to repair a badly torn muscle. Liz assures me it's ok and the in-laws say they'll take care of it, but I'm still skeptical.

At this point JE is begging to play some video games like we'd promised him, so I give my Credit Card to Liz and take him over to the video game section. Only a couple of systems are hooked up and of course they've all got people playing them or waiting for them, and none of the games are what JE would enjoy playing. We get to the big screen TV with the PS2 and Guitar Hero II (it's a guitar playing equivalent of Dance Dance Revolution) and there's two young boys, maybe 10 or so, jamming away to Police's "Message in a bottle". The song finishes and the boys choose another song and jam away some more. Then that song finishes and one boy asks the kid standing behind him if he wants to play. This kid shakes his head so the kid turns back to the game and chooses "Message in a bottle" again. I ask if one of them is going to let JE have a turn. Now suddenly neither kid wants to give up his guitar and they start arguing among themselves but finally the first kid relents and hands his guitar over to JE and he starts playing.

Then my cell phone rings and it's Liz is telling me to come outside to help. I tell her I'm not helping because I'm not lifting the TV, not even with help from a clerk. Liz tells me she needs help getting the doo-hicky thingamajiggy off from the back parcel area. It's kind of a retractable privacy thingy you can pull out to cover stuff in the back so people can't see what's in there and be tempted to break into your car, unless they're a bastard and they want to break in to see what's under the cover. Now the privacy thingy pops in and out of its fitted sockets like a toilet roll holder but Liz doesn't know this and the TV won't fit into the back of our SUV with the privacy cover still in place. We have a little discussion over the phone with her telling me to come out and me telling her I'm not coming out because JE just got a turn on the game and I'm not leaving him by himself and I'm not pulling him off the game because he just got on so someone needs to come in to the store to relieve me. Finally Liz and the MIL arrive so I go out and here is the TV in the back of our SUV. The FIL worked out how to remove the privacy cover thingy on his own and he and the clerk loaded the TV, so I go off and park and we go back into the store only to meet Liz, JE & the MIL coming out.

On the way home Liz tells me the MIL wanted to buy Guitar Hero for JE, until Liz told her that she'd need to buy a PS2 as well. I'd totally do it although you really need a second guitar (only one comes with the game) so you're looking at around $250 all up just to play Guitar Hero. But then I'd also have a PS2 ;)

At the in-laws the MIL wheels out this dolly and we slide the TV onto it and wheel it into their house with little hassle, except for JE getting upset when he tried to help us get the TV in the front door and we asked him to move, loudly, because we panicked and didn't want him to get squished by a TV three times his size. So he ran and threw himself facedown on their sofa and cried far onger than I thought was necessary so he was probably just milking it because we're at the in-laws and they let him get away with that crap, but it doesn't happen in my house. Ok, so it does, it just doesn't go on anywhere near as long as it does at the in-laws.

We left the kids with the in-laws and Liz and I stopped for lunch at a local steakhouse/sportsbar and despite it being high noon the place was almost empty. It got a little busier but not much, unlike the Best Buy which had people all over the place. I figure everyone was too busy shopping to stop and eat. After lunch Liz tried to talk me into going shopping (again) but I had to put my foot down. I told her if she wanted to go shopping she could drop me at home then go out by herself. Liz said if we went home she wouldn't want to come back out. Then the cunning woman tried a different strategy. "Let's do something together," she said. "Like what," I said, giving her a suspicious look. Yep, I could see it in her eyes. Her "something together" is almost inevitably shopping, which involves me following her around her stores at a mall until she tells me to stop following her, so then I sit down and wait for her to finish at that store and off we go to another store where I sit down and watch her and the other women shop, most of whom also have a miserable looking guy in tow who you can tell really doesn't want to be there but he also fell for the old "Let's do something together" idea. If we stop at my stores (video games of course ;) it takes barely a minute before Liz gets bored and wants to leave to continue shopping at her stores.

Women think we don't get it. Oh we get it, alright. You love shopping. But it's not just shopping, it's browsing through an endless supply of clothes which you pick out and carry around then either try on but leave with the changing room clerk, or you don't try them on and just leave them on a nearby clothes rack, or you just buy them. Then you visit the next store and the cycle repeats. And when you get home you leave everything you bought in the bag with the receipt, and next week when you go shopping the first thing you do is visit these same stores and return everything you bought last week!!! Then once more you wander around the stores, picking out several items which you either try on and discard, or just discard, or buy but not wear and return the following week. And the cycle continues.

Oh yeah, we get it alright. We may not understand why you do it, but we still get this thing you call "shopping".

What we don't get is why you don't get that not only don't we want to be there, but we don't have to be there. This is not quality time we're spending here. This is not dinner and a movie. This is not watching a live sports game (which, by the way, if you told us you didn't want to go, we wouldn't make you). This is shopping. And it's not even shopping, it's Shopping According to Woman ®. And while you may ask our opinion while we're participating in this thing you call Shopping, you don't really want or even accept our opinion; you'll still buy (or not buy) whatever you've picked out, and then you'll come back next week and return it.

See what we really don't get is when we ask you to come to the ballgame with us and you say ok, even though you hate baseball and really don't want to be there. Then you ask us to go shopping and unlike you, we let you know that we don't want to be there, but we're still expected to go along because you went to the ballgame even though you didn't want to, so now we're expected to return the favor.

Newflash! If you don't want to go to the ballgame, just say No! We're not going to hold it against you! We'll still go, unless you ask us not to (and we will hold that against you), but if you don't want to go to the ballgame just say so. Now maybe you do want to go, and that's great, but that still doesn't mean we want to go or have to go shopping with you...even though most of us still do, but we don't enjoy it (and you can't make us!) and instead we could be home reading the paper or watching the TV or on the computer or hanging out with our guy friends.

So you don't want to go the ballgame with us, but you go anyway, and we don't want to go shopping with you, but we go anyway, so we're both doing things with each other that we both don't enjoy, and we just suffer through them, and we call that Quality Time.

I think Jerry Seinfeld said it best, "What's up with that?"

Quality time is time spent doing something both parties enjoy doing. If the woman doesn't enjoy going to the ballgame, that's not quality time even if she's there with her guy because she's not enjoying herself. Quality time is not time spent shopping with the wife because now the guy is not enjoying himself. If the woman wants to go shopping why is the guy forced to come along? Oh, you don't force us, no, you just get all pouty and mope around until we give in. If you want to go shopping then just go already! Knock yourself out. You'll probably enjoy yourself more without us tagging along. But don't think we don't get it. Don't think we don't know the real reason you want us there. You just need someone to carry around the stuff you've bought. We get it alright.

The Toyota Prius

The City of Los Angeles (as in the government entity) owns several Toyota Prius hybrids, being the vehicle with both an electric motor and a gasoline engine. I like driving them because the City also acquired HOV Lane Passes for them, so I get to use the Carpool (High Occupancy Vehicle) Lanes even when I'm by myself. I also like driving the Ford Contours because they drive remarkably well for a vehicle that's not a sports car...but I don't get to use the HOV Lane when I'm in a Contour.

Today I had to drive down to Santa Ana, a city in Orange County, which is located approximately 36 miles or 57 kilometres from downtown Los Angeles. I'm on pretty good terms with the mechanic at the garage so I usually get the vehicle I ask for, and sometimes I get it without needing to ask, like today; George saw where I was going and promptly gave me a set of Prius keys.

So, why do you need to know this? The Prius has an onboard computer which shows the mileage you're getting, both current and cumulative. Someone reset the counter in my vehicle 3,000 miles ago and since then it has averaged 41.7mpg, or 5.67litres/100km. On the freeway while cruising around 70mph I was getting damn close to 50mpg, but occasionally I noticed in congested traffic the mileage would drop to around 30mpg, about the same as I'd expect from a non-hybrid Prius, so obviously the two averaged out to around 40mpg.

What does this mean to you? Well, maybe you're thinking of getting a hybrid, but you're wondering just how good it really is. They're more economical than the average vehicle, but they're also more expensive, a few thousand dollars more expensive. Let's crunch some numbers, shall we?

In Los Angeles it's not uncommon to drive approximately 50 miles each day getting to work and back. I noticed we'd be filling our Focus up almost every week and it has about a 250 mile range and usually gets around 25mpg. With fuel here in California costing approx. $2.50 per gallon those 250 miles in the Focus cost me $25. If I were driving a hybrid Prius and getting 41.7mpg I'd only use 6 gallons per 250 miles, which would cost me $15. So I'd save $10 per week which equates to a savings of just 40¢/10 miles. Not a lot, right? But I'm only driving 250 miles per week (actually I'm driving even less now. Public Transport roxxorz!)

Well, the more you drive, the more you save. Someone driving in from Riverside, if they get the HOV Pass, will save both time and money. Riverside to downtown L.A. is around 60 miles each way, 120 miles per day, or 600 miles per week. And yes, quite a few people do that commute (or longer) every day. 600 miles is a weekly saving of $24, and over 52 weeks means you save yourself $1300 per year. Drive the car for 3 years and you save almost $4,000...which is probably close to the price difference between a regular Prius and the Hybrid.

So, now you can do the math, factoring in the price difference, and work out whether or not it's worth you getting a Prius.

The cheap upgrade that almost wasn't

either an upgrade, or cheap.

Liz & I stopped by BestBuy today where I saw a deal that was almost too good to be true (yeah yeah, I know what they say about deals too good to be true). It was a 120GB Hard Drive for just $50. No Mail-In Rebate. No Gift Card. It was a straight up $50 (+tax) Hard Drive. By comparison most hard drives in the 100 to 150GB range are $100 to $150. It was the last one on the shelf so I bought it.

Got it home, opened my case, hooked up the hard drive, started Windows but the new hard drive could not be found.

I booted off the CD that comes with the hard drive and noticed in the startup that there was no Primary Slave Drive (which is where the new hard drive was supposed to show up). After fooling around with the hard drive cables and rebooting my computer several times the new hard drive finally showed up and I was able to format and partition it.

I restarted the computer but now it claims it can't find a necessary system file. WTF? I check the cables..."They're ok, folks!"

I reboot the computer but it still can't find the necessary system file and refuses to start up.

I disconnect the new hard drive and reboot, nada, zip. No signal from the box to the monitor. WTF?

The lights are on the box, there's whirring coming from the hard drive. Fan is running. CD drive works. The keyboard & mouse lights are on. But the monitor says it's got nothin'.

Reboot.

Nothing.

WTF?

Have I managed to fry something in my computer? Now it's only my computer. The new hard drive is nowhere near the box and I'm pissed.

Reboot.

Nothing.

I disconnect my hard drive and connect an old hard drive we have lying around.

Reboot.

Nothing.

I try different hard drive cables.

Nothing.

Maybe it's my video card, which is very close to the hard drive bays, and could have taken a bump while I was fooling around. I make sure the video card is seated properly. Reboot. Nothing.

I have a spare video card but when I locate the adaptor plug to switch between DVI and VGA signals, the adaptor plug won't work. It's an adaptor plug, but it's male-to-male, I need a female-to-male adaptor plug. WTF?!?!

In frustration (and concerned that maybe I've killed my computer and it will cost me a fortune to replace it) I return my computer to it's old configuration. Original old hard drive, etc, plug everything back in and toss it under my desk.

Liz and I go out to dinner. I tell her the damn thing will probably boot up tomorrow night as if nothing ever happened.

We get home from dinner and I decide to hit the power button, just for the hell of it.

My computer boots up.

Bastard!

Have I learned my lesson?

Hell no! Tonight, I give the new hard drive another try!

The joke that wasn't

This afternoon we arrived at the in-laws to drop the kids off for the afternoon. A few blocks from their house I'd called to let them know we were almost there, and we would have been, too, if it wasn't for those meddling kids. I mean, the congested traffic on account of some parade. So it took us several minutes longer than usual to drive the couple of blocks. At the in-laws we parked in their garage next to the FIL's car, got the kids out, and were about to head up the stairs to their house when our car horn started beeping.

Liz and I looked at each other then she looked at her keyring, thinking maybe she'd pressed the panic button. The horn stopped, then beeped again and we were like WTF??? Then it stopped again. We were halfway up the stairs when the horn gave a couple more beeps, and I was thinking something was wrong with our car. We entered the in-laws house and called out to the FIL (we'd parked in the MILs spot so we knew she wasn't home). The FIL called out but his voice sounded a little distant. We figured he was upstairs so JE went to the bottom of the stairs and called out to him...then the FILs voice came from behind us.

He'd reclined the seat in his car and had been lying down in it, thinking to surprise us or scare us, and it hadn't been our car at all but his that had been tooting. I think we'd taken so long to arrive that he'd fallen asleep. Their downstairs garage is fairly dark so we hadn't seen him lying in the car when we'd parked next to him, and he hadn't woken up until we'd started to head upstairs, probably woken up by the kids voices. He'd tooted his horn like he'd planned, but it was a little too late to have the desired effect. In a way he had scared us, but only because I was afraid something had gone wrong with our brand new car :P

It wasn't scary

until the Zombie showed up with a rifle that he knew how to use. I raised my handgun, intending to put a round through his head but the reloaded rounds I had in the clip were all messed up and the first round I fired came out so slow I could see it. I could have almost caught it, too, because it dropped to the ground between our feet. I adjusted my aim accordingly, aiming several feet over the Zombie's head even though just a few feet separated us and this shot was successful. Well, I was successful in putting a round through his head but he didn't go down. Damn reloads. Then the bloody thing started talking as he chased me up onto the roof of the farmhouse, saying how three weeks ago it wouldn't have been possible to have a Zombie that knew how to use a gun.

I jumped off the roof, using the window awnings to break my fall, but when I knocked on the door my fellow Marines refused to let me in. I guess I couldn't blame them. We'd landed on this planet to investigate why there'd been no communication for some time, only to find ourselves trapped in a farmhouse on a planet overrun by Zombies that had been slowly killing us off. If one of the marines had came to the door and knocked to be let back in, I'm not sure I'd open the door either, after all, he's outside, so he must be a Zombie.

Fortunately (for my brother Marines) Anzac chose that moment to bark at something, prompting Liz to tell him to shut up, which woke me up, otherwise I suspect this dream would have gone the way of almost all of my dreams with this kind of theme. My brother Marines would have been killed to a man, with just me left alive. Yes, I'm the one outside with all the Zombies, but they're the ones that would have been killed. I don't know why these apocalyptic dreams of mine end this way, they just do.

A word to new parents

Make sure any bath toys you have for your children are small enough to sail away to the great beyond, or are too big to be flushed at all.

I just spent two hours working on the kids' toilet because it wouldn't flush again.

When my family were here a few weeks ago the kids' toilet backed up and we attributed it to so many people using it. What had actually happened was that our daughter, who loves playing with the toilet (and who has been caught coming out of the bathroom drinking from a cup, but she can't reach the taps!!!), had sailed/flushed several small toy plastic boats down the loo, and all but one of them had made it. The "little boat which couldn't" had got stuck at the back of the toilet, up in behind the S-bend, and there it had stayed, snagging toilet paper and...other stuff, basically preventing the toilet from flushing properly.

I had to drain the toilet bowl and tank, which meant scooping water out of the bowl. Given that JE had used the toilet the night before, and it hadn't flushed properly then (and it was obvious it hadn't flushed, if you know what I'm saying), this was not a pleasant experience. Not...at...all.

I then siphoned the water out of the tank, mopped it dry, turned off the water at the wall, disconnected the pipe, and removed the tank. Then I mopped out the bowl, unbolted it from the floor, turned it over and there was this yellow & green (& brown) boat. I tried pushing it back out the way it had came but that didn't work. To get it out I needed to pull it a bit (carefully) then rotate it to get it out a little more, then rotate it, pull, etc until EUREKA!!! Out came the yellow & green (& brown) boat!

Then bolt the toilet back to the floor, put the tank back on, hook up the water, turn it back on, check for leaks (had one, tightened the appropriate nut. Leak! BE GONE!) wait for the tank to fill then FLUSH and away goes the water, just like it's supposed to! Yes!

I don't know how much I just saved us by not needing to call out a Plumber. I suspect it was in the vicinity of a few hundred dollars, unless the Plumber had some nifty gadget by which he could hook the boat and pull it back out without taking the toilet apart, and being a professional plumber he just might have some nifty gadget that allows him to do that. Even still, a Housecall for one Plumber needing to use a gadget to remove a blocked toilet, I'd guess in the realm of $200 or so.

I placed a bid on eBay for World of Warcraft:The Board Game. If I win it, I'll pay less than $60. After saving us at least $150, and most likely more, I think I can afford to buy myself a little present. WoW:TBG is more of a social game played not unlike old school Dungeons & Dragons, by a group of friends sitting around a table, playing & socializing. I bought it not because I love WoW:The Online Game, but because I see WoW:TBG as a way of having some fun with the family as a whole, rather than everyone sitting down on their own computer, doing their own thing.

It could be argued that as the objective of WoW:TBG is for one side (2 to 8 players) to defeat the other, it's not exactly family friendly, but as most board games are of the "complete the objective/defeat your opponents first" variety, I don't see how WoW:TBG is any different.

Yes, it's going to cost close to $60, but if you could see the amount of bits & pieces you get with this game, $60 is a fairly good price. RRP is $80+tax so I'm saving at least $20. Fix a toilet, save $150 or more. Buy WoW:TBG, save $20 or so ;)

Fun with Gnomes

A few months ago I rolled a new character in the World of Warcraft, a Gnome Warrior whom I dubbed Gnomadic. Gnomadic's goal in life was to cross the ocean to Kalimdor and visit the Horde in their capital city of Orgrimmar, and he succeeded at this. Now in the World of Warcraft if a player enters one of the opposing faction's capital cities he automatically gets flagged PvP, which means he can be attacked and killed by any member of the opposing faction. So by entering Orgrimmar, Gnomadic became flagged and despite being a very low level character some members of the Horde still felt compelled to kill him, but that's ok; I was in their city and some people are just afraid of Gnomes ;) Gnomadic hung out in Orgrimmar for a bit and even danced with a female Troll before I logged out to play on one of my regular characters.

A few days ago my niece was introducing WoW to a friend of hers. She'd rolled a new character and she asked me if I had a low level character so I could join them. My lowest character was Gnomadic, but he was still in Orgrimmar on Kalimdor; my niece and her friend were in the Alliance starting area on the Alliance continent known (rather boringly) as the Eastern Kingdoms. So I logged on Gnomadic and activated my Hearthstone, which teleports me to the Inn I'd last chosen to call "home". It teleported me to the Goblin village of Ratchet, just a little way down the coast from Orgrimmar. Fortunately there's three boats that sail from Kalimdor to the Eastern Kingdoms, and one of them leaves from Ratchet. But the boat from Ratchet would take me to the Goblin port called Booty Bay, at the southernmost tip of the Eastern Kingdoms, and separating Booty Bay from the rest of the Eastern Kingdoms is Stranglethorn Vale, a jungle filled with level 30 to 40 critters who'd just love to snack on a low level Gnome.

Now as well as the port, Ratchet has a Griffin Post, which I could use to fly to different cities in Kalimdor, except when I spoke to the Flight Master he told me I didn't know any other places to fly to. The next closest city with a boat to the Eastern Kingdoms is a little ways south of Ratchet, but again I'd have to brave level 30+ monsters to get there. Just then the boat pulled up to the dock and I made my choice. As I ran towards the boat a Horde player coming the other way couldn't resist having a swing at me. When I'd logged in I'd still been in Orgrimmar which had flagged me, and I'd remain flagged for at least five minutes. Sitting on the boat was a hairy experience because taking the same trip were two Horde players of considerably higher level than me, who could probably kill me in one hit if they so chose.

As we sailed across the ocean the uncertainty of the moment was very nerve wracking. If I died out here I didn't know what would happen to my body. Would it fall into the water, or would it remain on the boat? My spirit would spawn at the nearest GY and I could ressurect there, or I could resurrect at my body if it wasn't at the bottom of the ocean. Fortunately we made it to Booty Bay without incident.

As I ran down the pier towards the hub of the town, one of the Orcs from the boat attacked me from behind. The level disparity meant I had no chance and death came quickly. But Booty Bay is a neutral town, neither Alliance nor Horde; both sides are free to visit as long as they do so peacefully. The Booty Bay Militia who keep the peace were quick to retaliate and they snared the Orc with nets, holding him in place. Outnumbered and unable to run the Orc died almost as quickly as he'd killed me.

The Booty Bay GY is just outside the front gate so I walked my ghost inside and resurrected at my body then tracked down the Booty Bay Flight Master...who gave me the bad news that Gnomadic's lack of knowledge of the world meant he still could not fly anywhere. To get to the lowbie area where my niece was I'd need to swim up the coast, a trip which takes 10 to 15 minutes but which would be considerably safer and less stressful than running through the jungle and dying repeatedly at the claws of lvl 35 Tigers, Raptors, Gorillas, etc.

As I ran back down towards the dock the same Orc decided to attack me again, but this time I actually survived his first blow. The Orc must have thought he'd take me out in one hit again because he didn't stop to finish me off, choosing to leap off the side of the dock instead. But he didn't count on the Booty Bay guards and their lightning fast reactions and once more their nets snared him, practically in midair, and he died yet again while I stood by laughing my arse off. To really add insult to injury the second Orc had seen the whole thing and he burst out laughing as well.

Not the House you know

Hugh Laurie and Stephen Fry were a brilliant comedy duo. I love this clip.

What, me Wowser?

In the men's locker room at my local gym is a poster that's probably supposed to be motivational and inspire the guys to work out...but I'm not quite sure I agree with their choice of picture. The person in the picture is in the Bent Over Row position and is lifting a free weight as they work out their Lats. Because they're working out they're wearing a rather skimpy singlet top, and because the camera is positioned directly in front of them, we're looking straight down their top at oodles of cleavage. Yes, it's quite apparent to even the casual viewer that the person working out in the picture in the men's locker room is quite obviously female.

Now admittedly the pose the woman is in is a perfect Bent Over Row position and it's entirely appropriate for the exercise she's performing, and yes, the picture is in a gym, and no, I'm not a Wowser or a Prude, but the shot could have easily been taken from a side angle so it didn't look quite so cheesecake or the woman could have been a guy. No, it would not have been gay to have a picture of a guy working out in the men's locker room. In fact it would have been just as inspirational. "Hey, guy. Work out and you can have a body like mine (nudge nudge, wink wink ;)." Ok, so maybe it could be construed as a little gay :P

What's everyone's thoughts, here? Am I a Prude? I haven't complained about the picture, well, not to the gym :P and I think the action of complaining and requesting it be taken down is what makes the Wowser. But should I really be offended by this picture? Remember it's in the men's locker room in a gym, so contextually the picture is in the appropriate place. Then again, it could be argued that a more appropriate place is out in the gym where it could inspire both men and women alike. "Oh, but we couldn't have that picture in the general gym! Some people might get offended!" So it's ok to have an offensive picture in the men's locker room, but it's not ok to have it out in the gym itself? Am I a Prude? Or am I just truly becoming a father where I don't think it's ok to objectify women.

Why flossing is bad

I was flossing last night, trying to get a bit of meat out from between a couple of molars when the floss got stuck. So I was pulling down on the floss when it came free with a jerk and at the same time there was a rattling sound from something falling into the handbasin. I reached into the handbasin and picked up the noisy object, looking at in astonishment, then I looked in the mirror and bared my teeth. There was a gap on one side which hadn't been there a few seconds ago.

Apparently a cavity had developed and the tooth had decayed underneath the filling and it had become weak enough that with just the right pressure in just the right place the crown of the tooth snapped right off.

I called my dentist's office, and even though it was 8pm, he picked up. I told him what had happened and he said to come in first thing in the morning. I spent almost two hours this morning in the chair getting an enamel crown put on. What a way to start my RDO Friday and a 3-day weekend.

And now, here's a picture :P

And now, something uplifting...

I just love this song. The video clip is a bit...er...gay...but the song just makes me want to get up and dance.

Ladies & Gentlemen, I give you...O-Zone and Dragostea Din Tei.



In the above video the sound is slightly off. It's only a heart beat behind the action but it's enough to be annoying to a quasi-perfectionist like me.

In the below version of the video, which is essentially the same video as the one above but with extra bits making it about a minute longer, the sound is spot on :)

Day Tripping to Catalina

Rodger and the Barrett

Here's a short clip of my coworker, Rodger, firing the .50 Barrett M82A1.
I love the way the people in the background react when this thing goes off.

Big Guns are more fun

The sound is a little off (might be better at Youtube itself. Nah, it's not.) but here's three clips from yesterday and one pic.

This is Zac with a Barret M82A1 .50 rifle.

Youtube video is here.

This is Zac shooting a Browning M2 .50 caliber, semi-automatic "machine gun".

Youtube link.

Finally we have Zac shooting a Winchester lever action rifle in .30-30 caliber.

Youtube link

And just so you don't think Zac had all the fun, here's a pic (not a moofie) of me with the Barrett M82A1 :)

Welcome back to work

We just had an office meeting regarding a charity campaign. We're supposed to feel honored to be in a position that we can afford to allocate a small percentage of our paycheck each week to a charity to help out those less fortunate than us. Maybe I'm getting jaded in my old age, maybe it's the Republican side of me coming out, or the Libertarian side which knows that many (not all, but many) of the people you see on the street begging for change are there by choice and if they were offered a regular 9-to-5 job they'd choose living on the street any day. Maybe it's that so many people who benefit from charity programs don't need it or deserve it, or they only qualify because they have 5 or more kids (and they won't stop popping them out, again, lifestyle choice), and maybe it's because I know people who could benefit from charity programs but refuse to accept it and would rather live day-to-day, paycheck to paycheck, than accept welfare or any form of charity or handout.

So this one woman got up and talked briefly (thank heavens) about the environmental program she belongs to. And all I could think about was the story my sister told me of the Tongans (yes, from the Kingdom of Tonga) who have a tourist program that greatly benefits the economy of Tonga. Tourists come from all over the world to spend their dollars in Tonga, and they all pay a small fortune to swim alongside the whales as they migrate past the Islands. Now Greenpeace (a name almost synonymous with Ecoterrorism) decided that people swimming alongside the whales as they passed through the Tongan-owned waters off the Kingdom of Tonga was somehow harmful to the whales (despite real life encounters which showed otherwise, and included whales seeking out boats and tourists and playing with them (non-violently) for hours), and so they approached the Tongan leaders and asked them to put a stop to this activity.

The Tongans thought for a while, and decided that yes, they could afford to not allow tourists to swim with the whales, because the drop in tourism and loss of income in tourist dollars could be offset by the amount the Japanese were willing to pay the Tongans to allow them access to the whales. The Japanese, of course, didn't want to do anything as harmless as just swim with the whales and when Greenpeace were made aware of this alternative they quickly withdrew their appeal.

Similar situations occur here in the U.S. Very few people know that Hunters also pay a small fortune for their licenses and the right to hunt and take deer, and the fees they pay usually go a long way towards maintaining our national parks. But when "people with good intentions" step in and stop the hunting, there is a subsequent drop in revenue and Park maintenance suffers, because these same "people with good intentions" are also often the ones who ask why they now have to pay to access the National Park they used to visit for free, and so they stop going. And as the number of people using the park drops fees to access the park increase and less people come to the Park, until eventually the Park closes because it's not cost effective to maintain the Park just for the handful of people who still use it. Finally the Park gets sold off to developers who tear down most of the trees and subdivide the land and build shopping centers and office buildings and houses, etc. and only then does everyone complain about the loss of the National Park.

So I'm very wary of environmental groups and "people with good intentions" in general.

Then this other woman got up and talked for far too long about all the good United Way does, and again, I'm leery of charity groups because far too often all they want to do is raise money to pay for the salaries of people who sit on committees talking about how to solve some problem that they don't really want resolved because then there'd be no committee for them to get paid to sit on. And this woman talks for ages, and she asks everyone to stand up, then asks half the room to sit down, and she explains that those of us sitting down represent the kids who drops out of school in 9th & 10th grade, and how sad it is that those kids can't go on to graduate from high school, and she asks a 1/3rd of those still standing to sit down, and how sad it is that 1/3rd of high school grads don't make it into college, etc.

I decided not to burst her bubble by asking how many of the kids who dropped out did so because they got an apprenticeship somewhere. And I decided not to ask her if it was true that kids who get an apprenticeship at 15 or 16 are often financially more secure than their fellow students when they meet again at their 10-year Reunion. And I decided not to ask her "What's so great about college anyway?"

Look at it this way. I'm a college grad. I'm currently making around $30/hr in my cushy government job. To get to that level the average person needs a 4-year college degree, and then they usually need to have been employed by the City for approximately 5 to 6 years. Some do it faster, some take longer, but on average, it's 5 to 6 years to get to where you're making $30/hr. That just happens to be around about what a common Union Laborer makes, per hour. Someone who digs a ditch, pushes a broom, etc, gets around $30/hr. Now if I'd done an Apprenticeship and become a licensed Carpenter, Electrician, etc, I'd be making $40 to $50 per hour as a Journeyman (a skilled laborer). A standard length Apprenticeship is 3 to 4 years long, about the same as earning your college degree. But as a 16-year old Apprentice you'll probably have a two year head-start on your classmate who is going on to college. In 12 years time (2 more years of High School plus 10 years to the reunion) the Apprentice is pulling down $50/hour (or more), he owns his own car (or truck) and is making payments on a house. The College Grad is probably making $30/hr (unless he's lucky and actually got a job in the field appropriate to his degree) and he's living paycheck to paycheck while struggling to pay his rent and make payments on his $50,000 (or more) college loans.

Granted not everyone who drops out of high school in 9th or 10th grade has an Apprenticeship waiting for them, and many of them go on to learn such valuable skills as how to say "Would you like fries with that?" but a lot of college grads get their degrees with nothing waiting for them but the exact same minimum-wage job they've had for the last 6 years. The only thing is, that college grad is now working for the guy who dropped out in 10th grade, who was the only one willing and able to work all those odd hours which got the manager's attention and so promoted him to assistant store manager.

Back to the woman who is talking for far too long and dropping statistics like how 80,000 people in Los Angeles county are homeless (and yet our shelters which only house a few thousand often have beds free), and how a $3/paycheck donation somehow buys 3 hours of tutoring for 5 students every single week, and other typical socialist bullshit that doesn't sit well with this Republican-flavored Libertarian, so I mostly tuned out of what she had to say.

All in all it was a wasted and unproductive morning, but I'm happy to be able to rant here and also glad I was able to shoot a lot of really big guns yesterday. Pictures (and moofies) of which will be added shortly :)

Loong weekend

My Mum, my sister & her husband are here for a few weeks. It's been strange not playing WoW for that time, even more so going to bed usually before 11pm :P The kids are both in our bedroom. Mum and Sue are in Amber's room, and my sister, Carol, and her husband, Zac, are in JE's room.

Liz has been taking care of making sure everyone does a lot of shopping. I've been doing my best to make sure Zac is not bored out of his skull. I think he's been playing a lot of Lego Star Wars on the Gamecube while I'm at work. I'm taking a day off here and there but I didn't have enough Time Off to take off the entire three weeks. I had last Friday off as my Regular Day Off, then had yesterday off for Columbus Day. The loong weekend was very busy.

Friday we got up early to go to San Diego. We stopped at Guasti on the way to have breakfast at the Homestyle Cafe. Liz chided me for talking Zac into getting the 3-stack of pancakes. My argument was they're only here the once (well, they'll be back someday but who knows when) so why not get the 3-stack. Now it used to be big, and I knew that, but that's half the fun in getting the 3-stack. I don't know many people who could probably eat a 3-stack by themselves and live to tell the tale, but now, the 3-stack is Fhuge. Yeah, that's right, huge with a capital F. Seriously, if you did manage to choke down a 3-stack all by yourself, I pity you, because you either weren't well for the rest of the day (& maybe the next) or you're already dead.

After breakfast at the Homestyle Cafe we resumed our trip down to San Diego and Seaworld. JE was entertained by our new portable DVD player and Mr. Bean DVDs. Everyone else was entertained by me taking photos, singing, etc. What can I say? I'm a fun guy :)

Sea World was pretty cool. We had lunch not with Shamu but with another Orca. The beer was free so Zac and I had a taste test. Oddly enough he actually liked Budweiser. There was no Miller on account of Seaworld being owned (I think) by Anheuser-Busch who produce Bud. Funny was the men's toilets which had anti-Miller Q&A trivia signs over the urinals, proclaiming how American Anheuser-Busch was, and how Miller is owned by a South African brewing company. We sampled Bud Light, as well as Michelob Ultra (another Light beer) and Michelob Lager (Michelob is also owned by Anheuser-Busch). Bud Light tasted like weak soda, the Michelob Ultra was ok until I tasted the Lager and then it was just ho hum. Zac has almost helped me finish off the case of MGD Liz bought a while back, so I might replenish it with Michelob Lager once the MGD is all gone.

After seeing numerous sights at Sea World (and going on a water ride/roller coast thing, where we got an excellent picture of the girls screaming their heads off) we called it a day and made our way to our hotel where we discovered the pool was heated, but the Spa even more so. Oooh, after walking around a theme park all day nothing beats relaxing in a Spa. Afterwards we hit the local BJ's for dinner but they were crowded (Friday night, go figure) and the wait for a table for 7 people was going to be over an hour, so we ordered Take Out which we ate back at the hotel.

Saturday was spent at the Wild Animal Park. We decided not to do the Feeding Tour where you sit in the back of a truck and feed the giraffes and other critters. Not at $80/person :P They also have a Hot Air Balloon for a bird's eye view of the park, but I think that's more of a gimmick than anything else. You see more from the train that runs around the park than you would from a balloon 100 meters up in the air. While Liz, Mum & Sue did more shopping, Carol, Zac, JE & I did a walking tour around the park. The little guy actually did the entire walk. Of course he fell asleep on the ride back to the hotel afterwards :P

We hit the Spa again, then got to TGI Friday before the crowds so the only wait was for the staff to set up a table for 7. Zac & I returned to TGI Friday a few hours later hoping to catch the Formula 1 Grand Prix (live from Japan) but we were out of luck. The BJs had no TVs, and we were SOL at Rock Bottom as well. Although the bouncer did asked us for ID before he would let us in :P

Across from the Rock Bottom was a trendy Mexican restaurant and it was our last hope. There the female manager (who I think liked talking to the two Aussie "tourists") actually went through every single channel of her cable line up, and she found the Speed Channel. Unfortunately they don't subscribe to it so we missed out on watching the Japanese Grand Prix while drinking Cerveza and eating Nachos in a Mexican Cantina :(

Sunday Zac, JE & I went to Legoland while the girls went shopping in a nearby Outlet Mall. We got JE on the fastest Lego Roller Coaster but he refused to go back on it a second time. The rides weren't too bad, and JE actually went back for a second go on one of the tamer Roller Coasters. We foolishly finished the day with one of the wettest rides where you get to sit in a small 4-seater Pirate Ship and shoot water cannons at the other boats and the crowd as your boat sails a preset course. Lining the walls of this ride are water cannons manned by people in the crowd, who use them quite enthusiastically to shoot back. Unfortunately their water cannons seem to have a greater range than do the cannons on the boats, and they don't have to crank handles to shoot the water either. We all got pretty wet on that ride (& JE was no use as a human shield). Lucky the day was hot enough that we were almost dry by the time the girls picked us up. The final ride of the day we found on the way out. It was a ride called Knight's Torment. Not Tournament, Torment. It has 5 settings so Zac and I naturally chose Level 5 - Extreme. JE said he wouldn't have gone on it even if it was on Level 1. It was basically a Robot Arm that swung your chair around, upside down, etc. Because of that last ride we were late getting back to the girls and they tried to tell us they'd got a ticket waiting in the Passenger Loading/Unloading Area for too long.

I don't know how everything fit into our Highlander. It might be an SUV, but we had 7 people in there, and there wasn't a lot of room going down to San Diego. I don't know where it all fit but the girls still managed to get everything they'd bought inside for the ride back home, and nobody had to sit on the roof.

Monday JE was back at school so Zac & I hit 6-Flags Magic Mountain. That was a lot of fun too, except six of the rides were closed. According to one of the ride attendants on the Superman Ride, even though Columbus Day is not a recognized Public Holiday half the staff didn't bother turning up for work so that's why the rides were closed. Luckily Tatsu, 6-Flags newest ride, was open. That thing was insane. Not scary (scary was when my harness slipped open a notch mid-ride) but intense. Apparently on its most severe corners Tatsu subjects you to 4.5g forces. I'm not positive, but I think that means for the period of time you're subject to those 4.5g's you technically weigh 4.5 times your normal 1g weight. We went on Tatsu a few times and got a good photo of Zac and I screaming our heads off to go with the photo of the girls on their Sea World ride.

And now it's back to work.

From Guasti to Sea World

If you don't know where Guasti is, it's very close to the Ontario Intl. Airport, off the I-10 near the 15. The obvious way to get from Guasti to Sea World is to go south on the 15 until you hit the 8 down in San Diego, and Sea World is not too far away from there.

Click here to see the directions Google Maps gave me. Oddly enough, Yahoo Maps told me to go the same way.

As much as I like Google, I think I'll follow Mapquest's directions.

*EDIT - Guasti is no more. The Homestyle Cafe has moved, and the Winery has been torn down.

Freeway vs Surface Streets

I was heading back into downtown Los Angeles on the 110 and around the 91 the traffic started to backup. One of those large freeway signs said it would take 35 minutes to get into downtown, and sure enough, within a mile or so, traffic was stop-go, stop-go. At one point we were completely stopped for what seemed like almost a minute, meanwhile traffic in the other lanes seemed to fly past. Of course when you're stopped, even 30mph looks fast.

Around Slauson another sign said it was now 20 minutes to downtown. I looked at my watch again. Sure enough, exactly 15 minutes had elapsed since the sign proclaiming the 35-min trip into downtown.

Now I would much rather be on surface streets stopped at a red light than sitting on the freeway, stopped for no reason at all, other than the fact that someone had jammed their brakes on at that very spot, 2 hours ago, and people were still stopping there. Residual slowing/stopping they call it. You stop your car, and the car behind you is forced to come to a complete stop. You then move on but before the car behind you can move on, the car behind him is forced to stop, and the cycle repeats, and if traffic is heavy enough people can still be coming to a stop at that very spot where you hit your brakes two hours before.

So I got off at Slauson and headed north into the city, and within 15 minutes I was at City Hall gassing up my car.

20 minutes to downtown indeed. Yeah, if you want to stay on the freeway in stop-go traffic.

Of course it doesn't always work out to your advantage to get off the freeway, but as I said, I'd rather be on surface streets stopped for a red light, than going nowhere on the freeway.

Amish Paradise

Just coz we're on a Wierd Al kick ;)

Weird Al does it again

"I wanna roll with the gangstas,
but so far they all think I'm too white and nerdy."

Bat Out Of Hell

Photo by (but used without the permission) of Ron Jenkins, photographer for the Fort Worth Star-Telegram, and can be clicked on to view a slightly larger version.
Now aside from the obvious bat to the jaw, what are a few things we can glean from this photograph?

I won't spoil it for anyone. Feel free to post your observations in the comments section.

A WoW entry

This won't be of interest to most of my readers (unless a lot of you play World of Warcraft, and maybe you do).

Last week I went on a Raid to Molten Core, a dungeon filled with some of the biggest & baddest monsters & demons in the game. Lucky I went in with 39 members of one of the baddest guilds on my server. The reason I was going was to get the Petrified Leaf, an item that only drops in MC and which begins a bloody hard quest that will eventually reward me with Rhok'delar, one of the baddest Bows in the World of Warcraft.

This is the same guild whose Onyxia Run I went on a month or two back, and which let me have one of the best helms in the game for my Hunter, as well as letting me have the Dragon Sinew that gets made into the string for the Uber Bow.

So one can get the Leaf and complete the quest, which involves killing four bad asss demons, one at a time, all on your own, and then have an Uber Bow which they can't use because they don't have the Bowstring. I'm lucky enough to have been gifted with both Leaf and Bowstring, I just need to kill the demons.

I took one down the day after I got the Leaf and began the quest, and I was surprised at how easily he went down, especially as I've seen other Hunters have the devil's own time killing this guy.

This morning I took out the second of the four demons. She wasn't as easy as the first demon. I fought her off an on during the least several days, trying different tactics, all to no avail. At one point I even sat back and let another Hunter have a go at her, only to see him take her out on his first attempt. *cry*

But this morning I was finally successful. Two down, two to go.

Out of sight

Today I saw something only a small number of people have witnessed first hand. No, that doesn't make me special. I was just in the right place at the right time :)

As I watched him over breakfast, Hermes maneuvered his own shell and one of his two new shells together, then holding on to the lip of the new shell he quickly swung across and slid into his new home. He'd already been in the new shell last night but was back in one of his old shells this morning, until he changed his mind and changed shells, again.

Both the new shells are a little larger than his two old shells, but one of the new shells is larger again than the other. He chose the smaller of the two new shells, I think he will have more fun playing with the biggest one (he does love to climb) than making use of it as a home. Maybe after he's molted one or two more times he might view the biggest shell as a home instead of a toy.

Allow me to educate you

When you meet an Australian for the first time it is not necessary for you to say "Oh, you're from Australia. Good 'ay, mayte." It is also not necessary to ask if we know your friend or relative from Sydney. Do you know my Uncle from Cleveland. No? Funny that.

G'day is pronounced as I've just typed it. Hard G, followed by Day, as in G-Day. It is not Good 'Ay. If you're not going to make the effort to pronounce it properly, don't even bother trying.

A Koala is not a bear. Like most Aussie mammals it is a marsupial. It may look like a teddy but it's still not a bear. It does not belong to the Bear family. Do not call it a Koala Bear.

An Emu is an E-Mew, not an E-Moo. Importing them doesn't give you the right to change their name. Do cats moo? Do cows mew? See the difference?

When an Aussie (oz-ee not oss-ee) attempts to correct you on the mispronunciation of an Australian word, listen to the man. Your continued mispronunciation only makes you look like a wanker.

Steve Irwin was an actor (and a bit of a galah, see Australian slang term). Most Australians do not dress, talk or act like him. In fact now that he's dead it's a good bet that no Australians act like that. Just because you see four Aussies in loud, colorful shirts dancing around singing children's songs, that doesn't mean we all do it.

Internal Body Clocks, and Golf

Liz's car is in the shop so I had to ride the bus today. Wanting to catch the early bus so I could get to work on time, I set my alarm to 4:30am, 20 minutes earlier than I'd normally get up.

This morning I woke up, rolled over, and looked at the clock; it was 4:29am.

Now this was not my usual wake-up time, and yet my internal body clock woke me just seconds before the alarm was due to go off.

* * *

At the doctor's yesterday I saw a Golf Magazine in the waiting room. A Golf Magazine in a doctor's waiting room. Wow! That's the last place you'd expect to see one.(sarcasm -off) The magazine had Kathy Ireland on the front, because it was actually Golf For Women. Although one could argue that the large number of pages with pretty women on them actually makes this a Golf Magazine for Men :P

Anyway, while looking through the Index there were quite a lot of very good articles about golf (in a Golf Magazine no less :P) that would make this magazine useful for both male and female golfers. One of the articles that wouldn't be so useful to men was the fashion section. Yup, every self-respecting women's magazine has to have a fashion section, even a golf magazine. I pointed that section out to Liz and she promptly turned to the appropriate page and started oohing over all the fashions, shoes (of course), polos, pants, etc.

Later that day, with time to kill before picking up the kids, we stopped by a large clothing discount store where Liz browsed through the shoe section. Go figure ;) She was checking out one pair of shoes and she turned them over to look at the soles. Would these be ok for golf? she asked me. I laughed and told her the soles were not suitable, we needed something with grip. If not spikes (impossible to find on regular shoes) then at least a good tread pattern.

We settled on a pair of shoes that had a nice series of bumps over the sole, but more importantly, a pair which appealed visually to Liz as well ;)

Today Liz said she's going back to find an outfit which matches her new shoes. Golf is fun, she told me :)

Tomorrow while the kids are at school we're going to the local Par 3 Course. It has a driving range as well so Liz can loosen up by hitting a few balls (& cure any headache she might have, inside joke) then we'll play around, and after that we might even play some golf :P

At least the Crocs didn't get him.

Crikey, Steve! You're a bloody idiot. But at least the Crocs didn't get ya, hey?

Let's go, Dodgers! Let's go! Clap clap clap!

JE and I went to the Dodgers vs Colorado game last night. The place was packed. Official attendance count was approx. 50,000 people. Not bad, nothing like the 100,000 or so you get at The G at an AFL game, but for a small baseball stadium it was a big crowd. The parking lot was jam packed as well. We found a spot just about as far from the Pavilion seats as you can get, without being on the other side of the stadium. After walking almost 10 minutes from our car to the stadium we then lined up to get JE a pizza, but someone mentioned they were out of pizzas, so we got him a Dodger Dog instead. The line at the concession stand was pretty long as well and by the time we got to our seats it was bottom of the 3rd and the Dodgers were scoring their first run of the game.

Top of the 4th the Rockies got 3 runs, a lead which the Dodgers promptly erased by scoring 3 runs of their own in the bottom of the 4th. The Dodgers added two more runs, one in the 6th and one in the 8th, while holding the Rockies scoreless for the remainder of the game to take the win. It was an excellent game.

Afterwards everyone traipsed down to the outfield to get a good vantage point for the Fireworks show which JE thought was fantastic. His dad liked it, too :P

I must say, if you don't leave until the end of the game, getting out of Dodger Stadium afterwards can be a nightmare. Everyone takes their own route to the exit, so you end up with at least 5 cars trying to merge into just one lane at the actual exit. Crazy. If you're not aggressive, you don't get out. I might have a little Ford Focus but I've been here a while, and while I'm normally one of the nicest, most polite guys you'll meet, when the need arises I'm one of the most aggressive drivers on the road, or in the parking lot as the case may be. So when people start being rude and think they're cutting in because I have a little car and they have an SUV, they can just get the fu...er...think again.

We got home close to midnight, JE was sound asleep. I carried him upstairs and tried to get him to wake up to pee, to tell Liz about the fireworks, nothing. Head raised for a second, but only to turn the other way and flop back down on my shoulder. I put him into bed and he was dead to the world. There wasn't even a murmered request for a story.

I wasn't far behind him, although I still logged into WoW for a bit. It's nice logging in and having 20 gold waiting for me in the mail from my in-game auctions. I'm saving up for one of the more prestigious "shinies" in WoW, the Epic Mount and I almost have enough gold for it. I killed critters for another hour or so and made another 20 gold, and before I logged I listed a few more auctions which should net me another 10 gold or so. It might seem boring and monotonous just killing mobs for hours on end, but the gold racks up, and I have a friendly guild that likes to chat a lot and most of my guild-mates are my age, married, with kids, so for me WoW is very much a social experience.

I crashed around 1:30 or so then snapped awake at 8:30. Liz made the excellent decision that we should go to Hometown Buffet for breakfast. Yummo! Now I have a tummy full of carb-heavy food, JE is with the in-laws, Amber will be napping real soon. Gonna get me a drink then dive into WoW and make some more gold. Epic Mount! Here I come!

*edit* Saturday night. I now have the gold but the Stormpike Guard don't love me. I need to kill more people, real people (in-game of course :P) to get the Stormpike to like me enough to sell me one of their Turbo Rams.

Forget those blankety-blank Snakes!!!

We got blankety-blank iPods on this blankety-blank Plane!!!

Now if you don't want to read the first two posts (pt I & pt II of the story) in that thread, I'll make a long story short. I know, I know, normally I make a long story even longer, so yes, this goes against my very nature.

Long story short.

US guy onna Plane onna trip to Ottawa goes to the toilet and accidentally drops his iPod in the bowl. He says he didn't realize it at the time so he flushed as per usual, washed his hands, then went back to his seat.

But the iPod didn't flush.

A minute or so later the guy hears one Stewardess talking to the other about there being something in the toilet stopping it from flushing, and maybe if they run some water they can clear it.

All embarrassed, thinking it's something he "did" in the toilet, the guy tries to act nonchalant by hooking up his iPod and tuning everything out...but his iPod is not on his belt, or in his pocket, or in his carry-on. The guy puts 2 & 2 together and realizes where his iPod is and what's blocking the toilet that has the Stewardesses all concerned.

He approaches one of the Stewardesses and informs her that he thinks he dropped his iPod in the toilet, so there's no need to call TSA or anything like that. The Stewardess tells him they already have. They offer their condolences, tell him it's unfortunate, etc. so the guy goes back to his seat and tries to act normal for a passenger whose actions have required that TSA be called.

Shortly before landing in Ottawa the pilot panics the passengers by announcing over the intercom that they've found a suspicious object in the toilet, and when their plane lands it's met by police & customs officers.

Acting on advice from the Stewardesses the guy gets off the plane last and tells a nearby Police Officer that the object is his iPod which fell into the toilet. The Cop takes down his name & license number but doesn't separate him from the passengers, instead everyone is taken to a hangar where they wait some more.

Finally the police announce that a table is being set up and everyone needs to form a line because every single passenger will be interviewed and asked for ID, etc. Our guy lines up but is taken away from his fellow passengers, frisked and subject to a more thorough interview, which included having the hard drive of his iMac searched for "child pornography, hate speech" etc.

The interviewers had a field day when they discovered that this out-of-work online gamer (he's a programmer who is "between jobs" after leaving Amazon.com) was there in Canada to meet a girl from his World of Warcraft guild, in other words, someone he met...online!!! Ooohhh!!! Very suspicious!!!

For five hours our guy and almost every other passenger were detained and questioned over an iPod in the toilet.

Should our guy have been questioned? Yeah, he should have. For 5-hours? Long after the bomb squad had examined his iPod and determined it was nothing more than an iPod? That in itself is questionable.

Cheating to Win

February 1981 was a dark month for the Australian Cricket Team.

On February 1st, in a one-day match (as opposed to a five-day test) between Australia and New Zealand, the game came down to the final ball of the day with the Kiwis needing a six just to tie the Australian's score of 235 runs. A tied game is just that; there is no overtime, the game is declared a tie. As it is impossible to score seven runs off a single delivery the Kiwis really had little chance of victory. Their only real chance lay in the final ball being declared a No Ball or a Wide, in which case the Kiwis would score a single run, and the bowler would be required to bowl another "final ball". The Kiwi batsman would then need to hit this new "final ball" ball almost 100 metres over the boundary fence, on the full. The Cricket equivalent of a Home Run.

In Cricket the Tail End batters are usually the team's bowlers, and are notoriously poor hitters, and the chances of a tail ender hitting a six are fairly slim. There are exceptions. The West Indies team has on occasion fielded a team where almost everyone could be considered a decent batsman. The Aussies themselves have had some big hitting Tail Enders, like Rod Marsh and Shane Warne, who rarely scored big but could usually be counted on to hit a couple of boundaries and maybe a six or two, before going out.

So the chances of the Kiwi batter hitting a six and even tying up the match were very slim.

The Aussie Captain, Ian Chappell, then made what could be considered the greatest mistake of his career. He ordered the Australian bowler, who just happened to be his younger brother, Trevor, to bowl his final ball underarm, which Trevor agreed to do. While slower than a regular over-the-shoulder delivery, the low height of the underarm delivery essentially denied the Kiwi batter any chance at all of hitting a six. Both Australians and New Zealanders were disgusted at the Aussie Cricket Team's actions and the rules of Cricket were shortly rewritten to prevent the underarm delivery from being used unless both Captains agreed beforehand.

The underarm ball was in the rules because it was de rigueur when cricket was first created. Today's over-the-shoulder method, in fact any method where the delivery arm was raised higher than the waist, was severely frowned upon.

It was in the rules. It was considered an acceptable method of bowling. The umpires were aware of Ian's orders to his brother and even informed the Kiwi batsman that the delivery would be underarm. Regardless, it just wasn't cricket. It was unsportsmanlike, and the rules were changed to prevent such low tactics being used in the future.

There was an article in a recent Sports Illustrated about a Little League Championship Match between two teams of nine & ten-year old boys. It's the bottom of the ninth. The batting team is down by one with two outs, but they have a runner on third and their biggest hitter is at the plate. The coach of the fielding team then gave his pitcher orders to walk the big hitter, because waiting behind him was their opponent's weakest hitter. The big hitter got walked, the weak hitter struck out, parents screamed, and the coaching staff almost came to blows. It was a strategic move and one commonly used in the Major Leagues, but these weren't professional adult players, these were little leaguers. Nine and ten year old boys. Learning the hard way how the game is played.

The author of the article stated that walking a batter, even a big hitter, has no place in a Little League game. I would argue that walking a batter has no place in any game, period. I hate seeing a big hitter get walked (unless it's Barry Bonds, they can walk that steroid abusing cheater until he retires and I'll cheer the whole time), I hate seeing a QB kneel down and run the clock out, I hate seeing basketball players deliberately foul a poor free throw shooter when the game is down to the wire (even if it's Shaq).

All of these actions are within the rules, just like bowling underarm, and just like Trevor Chappell's infamous delivery they're all unsportsmanlike. Using the rules to deprive your opponent of even the smallest chance of victory is cheating in my books. One day I'll need to talk to my son about my feelings on this.

People unclear on the concept

An elderly Jewish gentleman marries a much younger woman, but no matter what the husband does sexually, his young wife never achieves an orgasm.

Since a Jewish wife is entitled to sexual pleasure, they approach their rabbi and ask his advice. The rabbi listens to their story, strokes his beard, and makes the following suggestion:

"Hire a strapping young man, and while the two of you are making love, have the young man wave a towel over you. That will help the wife fantasize and bring on an orgasm."

So they go home and follow the rabbi's advice. They hire a handsome young man and he waves a towel over them as they make love, but it doesn't help and the young wife is still unsatisfied. They return to the rabbi and he says, "Let's try it reversed. Have the young man make love to your wife while you wave the towel over them."

Once again, they follow the rabbi's advice. The young man gets into bed with the wife while the husband stands over them waving the towel. The young man goes to work with great enthusiasm and the wife soon has an enormous, room-shaking, earsplitting orgasm.

The elderly husband smiles triumphantly at the young man and says to him, "You see, you young schmuck? That's how you wave a towel!"

My daughter has no say in it

This is the song that will be played at her wedding reception during the daddy-daughter dance.

A real WTF!?!?!?

I was driving home from the Bus Station today and there was this sort of annoying sound coming from the radio. It was on, and tuned into my favorite station, Country 93.9 KZLA...but...that wasn't country music I was hearing. So I turned it up a bit and there was Ace of Base singing their one-hit wonder "I saw the sign."

Um...ok...I kind of like that song, it's catchy, and it's a dance song from my party days...but it's not Country by any stretch.

As I pulled into the driveway Nelly was telling me it's getting hot in here so I should take off all my clothes. No thanks, Nelly, I don't swing that way...and WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING ON MY COUNTRY STATION?!?!?!

Now my radio has been playing up recently. It would cut out then return on its own agenda. Sometimes we would even switch stations but to no avail. If we were listening to KROQ, it didn't matter which button we tried or what frequency the display showed, we continued listening to KROQ.

So I got inside and turned on the stereo in our family room, and there was Nelly, on 93.9, repeating how hot it was.

I went to KZLA's website but the information there was rather ambiguous. I called them but their 800 number was engaged, and their business line wasn't being answered. It wasn't until I emailed their Program Director and immediately got an Out of Office auto-reply that my fears were confirmed.

93.9 is no longer Country but has become Rhythmic A/C, whatever that means.

Actually I know what it means. It means it's time for the Cap'n to get cliche, chew some gum and kick some arses, and the Cap'n is all out of gum.

I need Country music and I need it NOW, DAMMIT!

WTF ? ? ?

Well not really WTF situations, more just random thoughts, but WTF is so much more attention grabbing :)

We'll start off with a real WTF though.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~

"Somebody told me that you had a boyfriend who looks like a girlfriend that I had in February..."

WTF kind of lyrics are these? Is someone's boyfriend/girlfriend a cross dresser? These are the kind of lyrics that generate discussions along the lines of:

"WTF kind of lyrics are these?"

"You just don't understand them."

"You're right, I don't. So explain them to me."

"You wouldn't understand them anyway."

"Noo, that just means you don't understand them either."

"I understand them, I just can't explain them to you because you wouldn't understand them."

"That means you don't understand them."

"I do understand them!"

"So explain them to me."

"You wouldn't understand them."

"WTF EVER!!!"
~ ~ ~ ~ ~

After making a purchase, when you get your change do you like the notes/bills to be a certain way, and do you rearrange them so they're all facing the same way and sorted by value? Or do you just stuff the wad of crumpled up notes into your purse/wallet?

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

What time do you wait to call the cops to report your neighbors for partying too hard & too loud? 10pm? 11pm? Midnight? This is if you don't know your neighbors well enough to get invited to said party, or don't know which of the ignorant SOBs is blasting crappy dance music with way too much bass until 1am Sunday morning.
Is it ok to tell the cops you think you heard gun shots and screaming?
Don't say you did, just say you think you did.
"I don't know, it sounded like gun shots...maybe it was their TV."
~ ~ ~ ~ ~

People who make a left turn from the middle of the road (driving US style, adapt to country of residence) and block you from going past on their right. People who sit in the left lane and don't turn on their turn signal until after they get a green light so you're now stuck behind them while they wait for oncoming traffic. Oncoming drivers who turn left (or right) without using their turn signal so you yield to them thinking they're going straight ahead. People in front of you making a left turn at a light (with their turn signal on) who never pull into the intersection until after the light has changed so you're forced to wait for the next green. People waiting to make a right who "yield" to the pedestrian who needs to cross 6 lanes of traffic before he'd be impeded by their vehicle.

Is it justifiable to shoot any or all of these drivers?
Actually you can get a ticket (here in the U.S.) for not yielding to a Ped even if they just stepped onto the road and it will take them 20 seconds to get to your location.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
"Compact Space Only" - Is it ok to open your door into the side of the SUV shoe-horned into the "Compact" space next to your car? How many times is it permissible to do this? Should "Compact Only" Parking Structures have low entrances that prevent a vehicle taller than 6-feet from entering? Should this be clearly marked, or should it be up to the driver to obey the "Compact Only" sign? Is it ok to wait for the driver of the SUV and taser him when he finally returns? What if it's a soccer mom, is it ok to taser her and the kids? Or just her?

Gillette are officially nuts

A 5-blade razor? With a battery for extra follicle stimulation?

I think it might almost be time to revert to a former look...

My kids freak me out

by doing exactly what I did when I was their age.

A couple of years back I was talking to my Dad on the phone when JE ran across the sofa. He ran across the cushions, but not in the middle of the sofa, he ran across the front of the cushions, where your knees go. Now it's only a 1-foot drop to the floor but it was a wooden floor (maybe even slate, it was at a relative's house on the other side of the country, so I've only ever been there once) and JE was young and fragile and my startled exclamation made my Dad laugh because he knew JE had done something I would have done at his age.

As the wheel turns.

Our daughter, who's not even two, has taken to pushing her small chairs across the floor to our desks and then climbs up to stand on them. This freaks me out as well!

I know a lot of kids break bones playing and just being kids...but I don't want the kids with broken bones to be my kids! I was bad enough as a child and I have the scars to prove it.

Kids, please, just calm down and sit down here in the middle of the floor in this nice, padded room, far away from anything harmful...now stay there for the next 20 years.

Thank you. I feel much better.

Shaving

I doubt it's just me, maybe it is, but I doubt it. When I shave with my electric razor at work I almost always shave my neck and the sides of my face first, leaving the obligatory goatee, one of which I had for a few years. Then I'll shave my chin, leaving a mustache, which gets shaved off last. Sometimes I'll shave the mustache first, leaving a chin-only goatee.

I think I look good with a goatee, a little hard even, especially with my old goatee which at its longest made me look a little like Jim "The Anvil" Neidhart. Pictures are not currently available :P

I don't think I look so good with a mustache.

What, me worry?

Gay Pride

Offer them coffee, and they ask for mud

We had a rather fun "welcome to the new office" meeting yesterday afternoon. It was established that everyone and not just the chiefs & big-wigs will receive key card access to all doors, which was met with a resounding cheer. Previously we'd been forced to come in the front door only, yet we could leave the office by any door. The big-wigs, on the other hand, can come and go as they please.

One Inspector also enquired as to why we couldn't have our drip-filter coffee pot in the new breakroom. Our Bureau Chief asked why we didn't have it. Confusion reigned for a minute as everyone thought everyone else had said NO to the pot, then the Bureau Chief said if we had it, it was fine by him if we set it up. Keep in mind we already have a Keurig machine which makes a freshly brewed 8oz cup of coffee, in the flavor and strength of your choice, whenever you want it, but some people still want the coffee from the pot.

As soon as the meeting was over I located the pot, placed it on the counter next to our Keurig machine, plugged it in, and walked away. In the cupboard above the pot is the grinder, coffee beans and filters, and while I might be in charge of the Keurig machine (ordering supplies, paying bills, etc), I was not the one who brought up the coffee pot topic. I don't want the thing, and I'll be damned if I'm spending half my day making coffee for people. Plus I've been cutting way back on my coffee consumption, some days I don't even have a single cup, so I'm not making 10 pots of coffee a day for other people to drink. It's not in my job description, and until the Bureau Chief tells me I have to do it, I'm not doing it.

This morning the Inspector who spoke up in the meeting stopped by my desk and said to me with a grin that he bet I was glad I had the coffee pot back, just one more thing to take care of.

No, I said, with an equally large shit-eating grin on my face.

You're not going to make the coffee, he asked.

No, I replied, still grinning like a lunatic. If people want coffee from the pot I'm sure someone will make it, I told him.

Like R! the Inspector said, equally happy that "someone else" would be making the coffee.

Now R! might make a pot or two here and there, I thought, but even R! is not going to be happy, or willing, to make every single pot of coffee.

If people want drop filtered coffee instead of hi-tech freshly brewed coffee, they can make it themselves. Mwah hah ha!

Jumping on the band wagon...NOT!!!

Mel Gibson got a little bit drunk, drove his car a little bit fast, then made a few racist /antisemitic comments. Why do we care? Because he's Mel Gibson! If I did the same thing, would you care? No, but then I'm not Mel Gibson. I'm also not Naveed Afzal Haq.

Mel just made a few inappropriate comments while under the influence, not unlike a lot of people when they get drunk. I know I've done it, if you've been plastered before you probably have too. But Naveed...he did a whole lot more than make a few inappropriate comments. No prizes for guessing who received more attention from the Press though.

Paul Hogan gave an interview a few years back, after he left Australia and traded in his wife of 30+ years for a younger model. Hoges copped a lot of flack from the Aussies over that, and in this one particular interview he said something along the lines of how his actions hadn't changed the way people perceived him. He said he'd always had his knockers (not boobs but detractors & critics) and they'd always been looking for something to hold against him. Those people had never liked him, and his leaving Noelene for Linda was just another reason for them to rag on him. Hoges said his real fans, the people who loved him, they understood that not all marriages last so his leaving Noelene for Linda was no big deal.

Back to Mel Gibson. How do I feel about Mel making antisemitic comments? I don't really care either way. When Liz told me what had happened I shook my head and said "Aah, Mel." and that was it. If you loved Mel before this, you probably still love him, and maybe even feel a little sad for him. If you hated Mel, then this is just more anti-Mel ammunition for you. If you, like me, don't really care either way, you probably still don't care either way. After all, he's only Mel Gibson.

Hot makes you cold, and vice versa

Because of the physiology of our bodies, drinking cold water or liquids when we're hot does not make us cooler (the consumption of liquid nitrogen, oxygen, or any other super cooled liquid being the exception, of course). By drinking a cold beverage you fool your body into thinking your core is cooler than what it actually is, and when we're cold our body reduces the flow of blood to our skin surface and extremities to reduce heat loss, so we're making our body do the very opposite of what we really need it to do. By drinking a hot beverage the reverse occurs, our body thinks our core is hotter than what it actually is so it increases the flow of blood to our skin surface and extremities to promote heat loss; despite this, when we're hot and sweaty a hot cup of tea or coffee is usually the last thing on our minds.

I was on the Elliptical Trainer at the gym this morning for all of 12 minutes. I started off at 130spm(strides per minute), after about 3 minutes stepped it up to 150spm for 5 minutes, then finished off the last two minutes or so at 170spm, before slowing right down for a couple of minutes around 100spm. Apparently I burned up 1600 calories in just 12 minutes. I didn't really start perspiring until about 5 minutes in to the workout, but the difference between the Elliptical Trainer and the Treadmill is not just in the impact level of the workout (with two dodgy knees I want as low impact as I can get), I usually don't perspire anywhere near as much using a treadmill as I do on the Elliptical Trainer. I also seem to have to run for 20 to 30 minutes on a treadmill for it to tell me I've burned anywhere near 1000 calories, let alone 1600.

Let's see...if I have a 3-foot (or 1 yard) stride, then in the 12 minutes I did:
3x130 + 5x150 + 2x170 + 2x100 = 1680 strides
1680 strides = 0.95 miles in 12 minutes = approx. 4.75 miles per hour
which is not even what I set the treadmill on for a workout, so why was I sweating like a pig for doing considerably less than the average treadmill workout, and why was I still sweating at work almost an hour later...well that was because the building management decided to follow Mayor Villaraigosa's idiotic directive and set the thermostat at 78F so it's not like the building was cool when we got here.

But if my calculations are correct, I took approx. 1600 strides, and the machine claimed I burned off 1600 calories...that's like 1 calorie per step! I reckon I burned off more though, what with the rate I was perspiring even after I'd finished exercising, but still...1600 calories in 12 minutes??? I dont even burn off that much after 30 minutes on the treadmill.

How can 12 minutes on the Elliptical Trainer provide a more intensive workout than 30 minutes on the treadmill? Riddle me that, Edward Nigma.

Happy Birthday, Dad.

I miss you :(

The war on Tourism...I mean Terrorism

This is bloody ridiculous!

The Property Manager of Southgate, a very large Mall and popular tourist shopping spot in Melbourne, Australia, is upset because some tourists were taking photographs of "obscure things...things that would be of no interest to put in a photo album". The items being photographed were facades of buildings, i.e., shop fronts, which I'm sure some people would find interesting. Maybe Ms. Barrance does not find them interesting, although she's Property Manager of Southgate so I'd think she should be fascinated by facades of buildings, but that doesn't mean other people wouldn't be fascinated by them.

When we were in Australia we took a photograph of a mural inside a large department store that featured a male model. The mural had been painted over a wall and a door in such a way that the door "knob" was in an extremely inappropriate but very amusing position, in relation to the male model, that is. So we took a photograph of it. No, we didn't display it in a photo album, but we showed it to several friends when we got back :)

Tourists take photographs of things, often things we consider mundane and ordinary, but these are tourists, this is the first, last, & only time they might see these things, even if it's just a shop front. I walk down the streets of Los Angeles and people are taking photographs and video taping everything and anything. If it moves, shoot it. I understand. I did that when I first got here, too. I took many, many photographs of downtown Los Angeles. When we got the photos developed Liz asked me where I'd taken them. I told her they'd all been taken within a block of her office, and yet it was the first time she'd seen most of those objects and buildings.

I think Ms. Barrance needs to learn the difference between a tourist and a terrorist.

Eccythump, this one's for you

I've brought over a lot of stuff from Australia, including almost an entire suitcase full of Games Workshop miniatures (1.5" high, plastic models for table top battle games). One of those games was Necromunda, a game Eccythump and I spent many months playing and arguing over, on account of the rules being a little ambiguous and so Eccy and I could never agree on exactly which rule applied in each situation.

A week or so ago, JE discovered the clear plastic storage box containing the Necromunda game, the box of which is decorated with savage looking punks with bright red mohawks wielding very BIG Guns. Guns deserves a capital G because they have really BIG Guns.

Being 6-years old JE immediately wanted to play with this fascinating looking game, unfortunately many of the pieces are missing, on account of me leaving the game in the care of my 6 year old nephew for 6 years. I don't blame the nephew, I left it for him because he'd always wanted to play with it but I knew exactly what would happen if he did, and I left it to him anyway. The plastic models were also mostly unpainted on account of me being a lazy bastard, and Eccy and I didn't really care about them being unpainted, we just had fun playing and arguing and spending quality time together.

Today I bought new paints (on account of the old ones being dried up, after 5+ years of non-use ;) and just spent over 2 hours painting 6 models. And the following pics are the results of my 2+ hours of concentration. Not fantastic, not bad, but not great work either. But then all I wanted to do was get a few models painted for JE to play with, and he's not going to care about a slap dash job, he just wants to play with them.

Aah, Eccy. Those were the good old days. When are you next coming to visit us? It's only a 15-hour plane ride ;)

Here's the best of the pics. One of them is not so hot, but it shows 5 of the 6 models I painted, all together. The pics are clickable and will blow up to Epic Proportions if you do so. Fairly warned be thee, says I.

An illegitimate minority?

I'm seriously considering checking the "Other" category on any form that ask for my ethnicity (other than those where I might get in trouble from the Feds), then writing in Australian-American, for that's what I am. I think if someone whose family has never set foot outside of the U.S. anytime in the last 200 years can claim to be an African-American, I, who have only been here in the U.S. for 8 years, can call myself an Australian-American.

I'm an American citizen but I don't think like an American, but after being here for eight years I also no longer think quite like an Australian. I'm not an American, and I'm not an Australian; I'm an Australian-American. In fact that's legally correct because I am a citizen of both countries.

I'm sure I'll get funny looks from some people, but I'll just explain that while I may look Caucasian, I'm actually an Australian-American.