Forget those blankety-blank Snakes!!!

We got blankety-blank iPods on this blankety-blank Plane!!!

Now if you don't want to read the first two posts (pt I & pt II of the story) in that thread, I'll make a long story short. I know, I know, normally I make a long story even longer, so yes, this goes against my very nature.

Long story short.

US guy onna Plane onna trip to Ottawa goes to the toilet and accidentally drops his iPod in the bowl. He says he didn't realize it at the time so he flushed as per usual, washed his hands, then went back to his seat.

But the iPod didn't flush.

A minute or so later the guy hears one Stewardess talking to the other about there being something in the toilet stopping it from flushing, and maybe if they run some water they can clear it.

All embarrassed, thinking it's something he "did" in the toilet, the guy tries to act nonchalant by hooking up his iPod and tuning everything out...but his iPod is not on his belt, or in his pocket, or in his carry-on. The guy puts 2 & 2 together and realizes where his iPod is and what's blocking the toilet that has the Stewardesses all concerned.

He approaches one of the Stewardesses and informs her that he thinks he dropped his iPod in the toilet, so there's no need to call TSA or anything like that. The Stewardess tells him they already have. They offer their condolences, tell him it's unfortunate, etc. so the guy goes back to his seat and tries to act normal for a passenger whose actions have required that TSA be called.

Shortly before landing in Ottawa the pilot panics the passengers by announcing over the intercom that they've found a suspicious object in the toilet, and when their plane lands it's met by police & customs officers.

Acting on advice from the Stewardesses the guy gets off the plane last and tells a nearby Police Officer that the object is his iPod which fell into the toilet. The Cop takes down his name & license number but doesn't separate him from the passengers, instead everyone is taken to a hangar where they wait some more.

Finally the police announce that a table is being set up and everyone needs to form a line because every single passenger will be interviewed and asked for ID, etc. Our guy lines up but is taken away from his fellow passengers, frisked and subject to a more thorough interview, which included having the hard drive of his iMac searched for "child pornography, hate speech" etc.

The interviewers had a field day when they discovered that this out-of-work online gamer (he's a programmer who is "between jobs" after leaving Amazon.com) was there in Canada to meet a girl from his World of Warcraft guild, in other words, someone he met...online!!! Ooohhh!!! Very suspicious!!!

For five hours our guy and almost every other passenger were detained and questioned over an iPod in the toilet.

Should our guy have been questioned? Yeah, he should have. For 5-hours? Long after the bomb squad had examined his iPod and determined it was nothing more than an iPod? That in itself is questionable.

Cheating to Win

February 1981 was a dark month for the Australian Cricket Team.

On February 1st, in a one-day match (as opposed to a five-day test) between Australia and New Zealand, the game came down to the final ball of the day with the Kiwis needing a six just to tie the Australian's score of 235 runs. A tied game is just that; there is no overtime, the game is declared a tie. As it is impossible to score seven runs off a single delivery the Kiwis really had little chance of victory. Their only real chance lay in the final ball being declared a No Ball or a Wide, in which case the Kiwis would score a single run, and the bowler would be required to bowl another "final ball". The Kiwi batsman would then need to hit this new "final ball" ball almost 100 metres over the boundary fence, on the full. The Cricket equivalent of a Home Run.

In Cricket the Tail End batters are usually the team's bowlers, and are notoriously poor hitters, and the chances of a tail ender hitting a six are fairly slim. There are exceptions. The West Indies team has on occasion fielded a team where almost everyone could be considered a decent batsman. The Aussies themselves have had some big hitting Tail Enders, like Rod Marsh and Shane Warne, who rarely scored big but could usually be counted on to hit a couple of boundaries and maybe a six or two, before going out.

So the chances of the Kiwi batter hitting a six and even tying up the match were very slim.

The Aussie Captain, Ian Chappell, then made what could be considered the greatest mistake of his career. He ordered the Australian bowler, who just happened to be his younger brother, Trevor, to bowl his final ball underarm, which Trevor agreed to do. While slower than a regular over-the-shoulder delivery, the low height of the underarm delivery essentially denied the Kiwi batter any chance at all of hitting a six. Both Australians and New Zealanders were disgusted at the Aussie Cricket Team's actions and the rules of Cricket were shortly rewritten to prevent the underarm delivery from being used unless both Captains agreed beforehand.

The underarm ball was in the rules because it was de rigueur when cricket was first created. Today's over-the-shoulder method, in fact any method where the delivery arm was raised higher than the waist, was severely frowned upon.

It was in the rules. It was considered an acceptable method of bowling. The umpires were aware of Ian's orders to his brother and even informed the Kiwi batsman that the delivery would be underarm. Regardless, it just wasn't cricket. It was unsportsmanlike, and the rules were changed to prevent such low tactics being used in the future.

There was an article in a recent Sports Illustrated about a Little League Championship Match between two teams of nine & ten-year old boys. It's the bottom of the ninth. The batting team is down by one with two outs, but they have a runner on third and their biggest hitter is at the plate. The coach of the fielding team then gave his pitcher orders to walk the big hitter, because waiting behind him was their opponent's weakest hitter. The big hitter got walked, the weak hitter struck out, parents screamed, and the coaching staff almost came to blows. It was a strategic move and one commonly used in the Major Leagues, but these weren't professional adult players, these were little leaguers. Nine and ten year old boys. Learning the hard way how the game is played.

The author of the article stated that walking a batter, even a big hitter, has no place in a Little League game. I would argue that walking a batter has no place in any game, period. I hate seeing a big hitter get walked (unless it's Barry Bonds, they can walk that steroid abusing cheater until he retires and I'll cheer the whole time), I hate seeing a QB kneel down and run the clock out, I hate seeing basketball players deliberately foul a poor free throw shooter when the game is down to the wire (even if it's Shaq).

All of these actions are within the rules, just like bowling underarm, and just like Trevor Chappell's infamous delivery they're all unsportsmanlike. Using the rules to deprive your opponent of even the smallest chance of victory is cheating in my books. One day I'll need to talk to my son about my feelings on this.

People unclear on the concept

An elderly Jewish gentleman marries a much younger woman, but no matter what the husband does sexually, his young wife never achieves an orgasm.

Since a Jewish wife is entitled to sexual pleasure, they approach their rabbi and ask his advice. The rabbi listens to their story, strokes his beard, and makes the following suggestion:

"Hire a strapping young man, and while the two of you are making love, have the young man wave a towel over you. That will help the wife fantasize and bring on an orgasm."

So they go home and follow the rabbi's advice. They hire a handsome young man and he waves a towel over them as they make love, but it doesn't help and the young wife is still unsatisfied. They return to the rabbi and he says, "Let's try it reversed. Have the young man make love to your wife while you wave the towel over them."

Once again, they follow the rabbi's advice. The young man gets into bed with the wife while the husband stands over them waving the towel. The young man goes to work with great enthusiasm and the wife soon has an enormous, room-shaking, earsplitting orgasm.

The elderly husband smiles triumphantly at the young man and says to him, "You see, you young schmuck? That's how you wave a towel!"

My daughter has no say in it

This is the song that will be played at her wedding reception during the daddy-daughter dance.

A real WTF!?!?!?

I was driving home from the Bus Station today and there was this sort of annoying sound coming from the radio. It was on, and tuned into my favorite station, Country 93.9 KZLA...but...that wasn't country music I was hearing. So I turned it up a bit and there was Ace of Base singing their one-hit wonder "I saw the sign."

Um...ok...I kind of like that song, it's catchy, and it's a dance song from my party days...but it's not Country by any stretch.

As I pulled into the driveway Nelly was telling me it's getting hot in here so I should take off all my clothes. No thanks, Nelly, I don't swing that way...and WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING ON MY COUNTRY STATION?!?!?!

Now my radio has been playing up recently. It would cut out then return on its own agenda. Sometimes we would even switch stations but to no avail. If we were listening to KROQ, it didn't matter which button we tried or what frequency the display showed, we continued listening to KROQ.

So I got inside and turned on the stereo in our family room, and there was Nelly, on 93.9, repeating how hot it was.

I went to KZLA's website but the information there was rather ambiguous. I called them but their 800 number was engaged, and their business line wasn't being answered. It wasn't until I emailed their Program Director and immediately got an Out of Office auto-reply that my fears were confirmed.

93.9 is no longer Country but has become Rhythmic A/C, whatever that means.

Actually I know what it means. It means it's time for the Cap'n to get cliche, chew some gum and kick some arses, and the Cap'n is all out of gum.

I need Country music and I need it NOW, DAMMIT!

WTF ? ? ?

Well not really WTF situations, more just random thoughts, but WTF is so much more attention grabbing :)

We'll start off with a real WTF though.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~

"Somebody told me that you had a boyfriend who looks like a girlfriend that I had in February..."

WTF kind of lyrics are these? Is someone's boyfriend/girlfriend a cross dresser? These are the kind of lyrics that generate discussions along the lines of:

"WTF kind of lyrics are these?"

"You just don't understand them."

"You're right, I don't. So explain them to me."

"You wouldn't understand them anyway."

"Noo, that just means you don't understand them either."

"I understand them, I just can't explain them to you because you wouldn't understand them."

"That means you don't understand them."

"I do understand them!"

"So explain them to me."

"You wouldn't understand them."

"WTF EVER!!!"
~ ~ ~ ~ ~

After making a purchase, when you get your change do you like the notes/bills to be a certain way, and do you rearrange them so they're all facing the same way and sorted by value? Or do you just stuff the wad of crumpled up notes into your purse/wallet?

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

What time do you wait to call the cops to report your neighbors for partying too hard & too loud? 10pm? 11pm? Midnight? This is if you don't know your neighbors well enough to get invited to said party, or don't know which of the ignorant SOBs is blasting crappy dance music with way too much bass until 1am Sunday morning.
Is it ok to tell the cops you think you heard gun shots and screaming?
Don't say you did, just say you think you did.
"I don't know, it sounded like gun shots...maybe it was their TV."
~ ~ ~ ~ ~

People who make a left turn from the middle of the road (driving US style, adapt to country of residence) and block you from going past on their right. People who sit in the left lane and don't turn on their turn signal until after they get a green light so you're now stuck behind them while they wait for oncoming traffic. Oncoming drivers who turn left (or right) without using their turn signal so you yield to them thinking they're going straight ahead. People in front of you making a left turn at a light (with their turn signal on) who never pull into the intersection until after the light has changed so you're forced to wait for the next green. People waiting to make a right who "yield" to the pedestrian who needs to cross 6 lanes of traffic before he'd be impeded by their vehicle.

Is it justifiable to shoot any or all of these drivers?
Actually you can get a ticket (here in the U.S.) for not yielding to a Ped even if they just stepped onto the road and it will take them 20 seconds to get to your location.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
"Compact Space Only" - Is it ok to open your door into the side of the SUV shoe-horned into the "Compact" space next to your car? How many times is it permissible to do this? Should "Compact Only" Parking Structures have low entrances that prevent a vehicle taller than 6-feet from entering? Should this be clearly marked, or should it be up to the driver to obey the "Compact Only" sign? Is it ok to wait for the driver of the SUV and taser him when he finally returns? What if it's a soccer mom, is it ok to taser her and the kids? Or just her?

Gillette are officially nuts

A 5-blade razor? With a battery for extra follicle stimulation?

I think it might almost be time to revert to a former look...

My kids freak me out

by doing exactly what I did when I was their age.

A couple of years back I was talking to my Dad on the phone when JE ran across the sofa. He ran across the cushions, but not in the middle of the sofa, he ran across the front of the cushions, where your knees go. Now it's only a 1-foot drop to the floor but it was a wooden floor (maybe even slate, it was at a relative's house on the other side of the country, so I've only ever been there once) and JE was young and fragile and my startled exclamation made my Dad laugh because he knew JE had done something I would have done at his age.

As the wheel turns.

Our daughter, who's not even two, has taken to pushing her small chairs across the floor to our desks and then climbs up to stand on them. This freaks me out as well!

I know a lot of kids break bones playing and just being kids...but I don't want the kids with broken bones to be my kids! I was bad enough as a child and I have the scars to prove it.

Kids, please, just calm down and sit down here in the middle of the floor in this nice, padded room, far away from anything harmful...now stay there for the next 20 years.

Thank you. I feel much better.

Shaving

I doubt it's just me, maybe it is, but I doubt it. When I shave with my electric razor at work I almost always shave my neck and the sides of my face first, leaving the obligatory goatee, one of which I had for a few years. Then I'll shave my chin, leaving a mustache, which gets shaved off last. Sometimes I'll shave the mustache first, leaving a chin-only goatee.

I think I look good with a goatee, a little hard even, especially with my old goatee which at its longest made me look a little like Jim "The Anvil" Neidhart. Pictures are not currently available :P

I don't think I look so good with a mustache.

What, me worry?

Gay Pride

Offer them coffee, and they ask for mud

We had a rather fun "welcome to the new office" meeting yesterday afternoon. It was established that everyone and not just the chiefs & big-wigs will receive key card access to all doors, which was met with a resounding cheer. Previously we'd been forced to come in the front door only, yet we could leave the office by any door. The big-wigs, on the other hand, can come and go as they please.

One Inspector also enquired as to why we couldn't have our drip-filter coffee pot in the new breakroom. Our Bureau Chief asked why we didn't have it. Confusion reigned for a minute as everyone thought everyone else had said NO to the pot, then the Bureau Chief said if we had it, it was fine by him if we set it up. Keep in mind we already have a Keurig machine which makes a freshly brewed 8oz cup of coffee, in the flavor and strength of your choice, whenever you want it, but some people still want the coffee from the pot.

As soon as the meeting was over I located the pot, placed it on the counter next to our Keurig machine, plugged it in, and walked away. In the cupboard above the pot is the grinder, coffee beans and filters, and while I might be in charge of the Keurig machine (ordering supplies, paying bills, etc), I was not the one who brought up the coffee pot topic. I don't want the thing, and I'll be damned if I'm spending half my day making coffee for people. Plus I've been cutting way back on my coffee consumption, some days I don't even have a single cup, so I'm not making 10 pots of coffee a day for other people to drink. It's not in my job description, and until the Bureau Chief tells me I have to do it, I'm not doing it.

This morning the Inspector who spoke up in the meeting stopped by my desk and said to me with a grin that he bet I was glad I had the coffee pot back, just one more thing to take care of.

No, I said, with an equally large shit-eating grin on my face.

You're not going to make the coffee, he asked.

No, I replied, still grinning like a lunatic. If people want coffee from the pot I'm sure someone will make it, I told him.

Like R! the Inspector said, equally happy that "someone else" would be making the coffee.

Now R! might make a pot or two here and there, I thought, but even R! is not going to be happy, or willing, to make every single pot of coffee.

If people want drop filtered coffee instead of hi-tech freshly brewed coffee, they can make it themselves. Mwah hah ha!

Jumping on the band wagon...NOT!!!

Mel Gibson got a little bit drunk, drove his car a little bit fast, then made a few racist /antisemitic comments. Why do we care? Because he's Mel Gibson! If I did the same thing, would you care? No, but then I'm not Mel Gibson. I'm also not Naveed Afzal Haq.

Mel just made a few inappropriate comments while under the influence, not unlike a lot of people when they get drunk. I know I've done it, if you've been plastered before you probably have too. But Naveed...he did a whole lot more than make a few inappropriate comments. No prizes for guessing who received more attention from the Press though.

Paul Hogan gave an interview a few years back, after he left Australia and traded in his wife of 30+ years for a younger model. Hoges copped a lot of flack from the Aussies over that, and in this one particular interview he said something along the lines of how his actions hadn't changed the way people perceived him. He said he'd always had his knockers (not boobs but detractors & critics) and they'd always been looking for something to hold against him. Those people had never liked him, and his leaving Noelene for Linda was just another reason for them to rag on him. Hoges said his real fans, the people who loved him, they understood that not all marriages last so his leaving Noelene for Linda was no big deal.

Back to Mel Gibson. How do I feel about Mel making antisemitic comments? I don't really care either way. When Liz told me what had happened I shook my head and said "Aah, Mel." and that was it. If you loved Mel before this, you probably still love him, and maybe even feel a little sad for him. If you hated Mel, then this is just more anti-Mel ammunition for you. If you, like me, don't really care either way, you probably still don't care either way. After all, he's only Mel Gibson.

Hot makes you cold, and vice versa

Because of the physiology of our bodies, drinking cold water or liquids when we're hot does not make us cooler (the consumption of liquid nitrogen, oxygen, or any other super cooled liquid being the exception, of course). By drinking a cold beverage you fool your body into thinking your core is cooler than what it actually is, and when we're cold our body reduces the flow of blood to our skin surface and extremities to reduce heat loss, so we're making our body do the very opposite of what we really need it to do. By drinking a hot beverage the reverse occurs, our body thinks our core is hotter than what it actually is so it increases the flow of blood to our skin surface and extremities to promote heat loss; despite this, when we're hot and sweaty a hot cup of tea or coffee is usually the last thing on our minds.

I was on the Elliptical Trainer at the gym this morning for all of 12 minutes. I started off at 130spm(strides per minute), after about 3 minutes stepped it up to 150spm for 5 minutes, then finished off the last two minutes or so at 170spm, before slowing right down for a couple of minutes around 100spm. Apparently I burned up 1600 calories in just 12 minutes. I didn't really start perspiring until about 5 minutes in to the workout, but the difference between the Elliptical Trainer and the Treadmill is not just in the impact level of the workout (with two dodgy knees I want as low impact as I can get), I usually don't perspire anywhere near as much using a treadmill as I do on the Elliptical Trainer. I also seem to have to run for 20 to 30 minutes on a treadmill for it to tell me I've burned anywhere near 1000 calories, let alone 1600.

Let's see...if I have a 3-foot (or 1 yard) stride, then in the 12 minutes I did:
3x130 + 5x150 + 2x170 + 2x100 = 1680 strides
1680 strides = 0.95 miles in 12 minutes = approx. 4.75 miles per hour
which is not even what I set the treadmill on for a workout, so why was I sweating like a pig for doing considerably less than the average treadmill workout, and why was I still sweating at work almost an hour later...well that was because the building management decided to follow Mayor Villaraigosa's idiotic directive and set the thermostat at 78F so it's not like the building was cool when we got here.

But if my calculations are correct, I took approx. 1600 strides, and the machine claimed I burned off 1600 calories...that's like 1 calorie per step! I reckon I burned off more though, what with the rate I was perspiring even after I'd finished exercising, but still...1600 calories in 12 minutes??? I dont even burn off that much after 30 minutes on the treadmill.

How can 12 minutes on the Elliptical Trainer provide a more intensive workout than 30 minutes on the treadmill? Riddle me that, Edward Nigma.

Happy Birthday, Dad.

I miss you :(

The war on Tourism...I mean Terrorism

This is bloody ridiculous!

The Property Manager of Southgate, a very large Mall and popular tourist shopping spot in Melbourne, Australia, is upset because some tourists were taking photographs of "obscure things...things that would be of no interest to put in a photo album". The items being photographed were facades of buildings, i.e., shop fronts, which I'm sure some people would find interesting. Maybe Ms. Barrance does not find them interesting, although she's Property Manager of Southgate so I'd think she should be fascinated by facades of buildings, but that doesn't mean other people wouldn't be fascinated by them.

When we were in Australia we took a photograph of a mural inside a large department store that featured a male model. The mural had been painted over a wall and a door in such a way that the door "knob" was in an extremely inappropriate but very amusing position, in relation to the male model, that is. So we took a photograph of it. No, we didn't display it in a photo album, but we showed it to several friends when we got back :)

Tourists take photographs of things, often things we consider mundane and ordinary, but these are tourists, this is the first, last, & only time they might see these things, even if it's just a shop front. I walk down the streets of Los Angeles and people are taking photographs and video taping everything and anything. If it moves, shoot it. I understand. I did that when I first got here, too. I took many, many photographs of downtown Los Angeles. When we got the photos developed Liz asked me where I'd taken them. I told her they'd all been taken within a block of her office, and yet it was the first time she'd seen most of those objects and buildings.

I think Ms. Barrance needs to learn the difference between a tourist and a terrorist.

Eccythump, this one's for you

I've brought over a lot of stuff from Australia, including almost an entire suitcase full of Games Workshop miniatures (1.5" high, plastic models for table top battle games). One of those games was Necromunda, a game Eccythump and I spent many months playing and arguing over, on account of the rules being a little ambiguous and so Eccy and I could never agree on exactly which rule applied in each situation.

A week or so ago, JE discovered the clear plastic storage box containing the Necromunda game, the box of which is decorated with savage looking punks with bright red mohawks wielding very BIG Guns. Guns deserves a capital G because they have really BIG Guns.

Being 6-years old JE immediately wanted to play with this fascinating looking game, unfortunately many of the pieces are missing, on account of me leaving the game in the care of my 6 year old nephew for 6 years. I don't blame the nephew, I left it for him because he'd always wanted to play with it but I knew exactly what would happen if he did, and I left it to him anyway. The plastic models were also mostly unpainted on account of me being a lazy bastard, and Eccy and I didn't really care about them being unpainted, we just had fun playing and arguing and spending quality time together.

Today I bought new paints (on account of the old ones being dried up, after 5+ years of non-use ;) and just spent over 2 hours painting 6 models. And the following pics are the results of my 2+ hours of concentration. Not fantastic, not bad, but not great work either. But then all I wanted to do was get a few models painted for JE to play with, and he's not going to care about a slap dash job, he just wants to play with them.

Aah, Eccy. Those were the good old days. When are you next coming to visit us? It's only a 15-hour plane ride ;)

Here's the best of the pics. One of them is not so hot, but it shows 5 of the 6 models I painted, all together. The pics are clickable and will blow up to Epic Proportions if you do so. Fairly warned be thee, says I.

An illegitimate minority?

I'm seriously considering checking the "Other" category on any form that ask for my ethnicity (other than those where I might get in trouble from the Feds), then writing in Australian-American, for that's what I am. I think if someone whose family has never set foot outside of the U.S. anytime in the last 200 years can claim to be an African-American, I, who have only been here in the U.S. for 8 years, can call myself an Australian-American.

I'm an American citizen but I don't think like an American, but after being here for eight years I also no longer think quite like an Australian. I'm not an American, and I'm not an Australian; I'm an Australian-American. In fact that's legally correct because I am a citizen of both countries.

I'm sure I'll get funny looks from some people, but I'll just explain that while I may look Caucasian, I'm actually an Australian-American.

Use Google for good, not evil

Actually it's not so much evil...just googling the wrong things, and not even the wrong things, really, just sometimes I google my previous life, like the Twin Cities Archery Club. I used to belong to this club. Shot in a few tournaments with them. Won a few trophies. Had a good time with the gang. I just googled them now (as you can probably tell) and it made me depressed. Not because of anything that's happened, just because this is one more chapter in my life that's closed to me now. I know the President and Secretary. I could email them...but there's no point. We might email each other back and forth, and then we'd stop, and life would go on, as it always does.

Circus! Curcus!

We took JE to the Circus last night, it was pretty good, and the seats Liz bought were awesome, just 3 rows from ringside. The Circus (or at least Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey, whose show we saw) appear to be giving their shows a theme and tying everything in together; this time around it was the Circus of Dreams, where all of your dreams can come true.

A "family" was randomly picked out of the audience, and they just happened to be sitting in the very front row, right in front of us in fact. Dad, Mom, older daughter, Jan, and younger brother, Dan, all ran into the center ring and were asked what their "dream Circus job" was. As soon as Dad opened his mouth it was obvious they were plants. "Well that's easy," said Dad, "I want to be the Ring Master so everyone has to do what I say." And with that a bright red, sequined Ring Master's jacket was lowered from the ceiling and "Dad" slid it on. "Oh yeah! This is great," he said, as he ran off backstage. Mom said she wanted to be a trapeze aerialist and a ring was lowered from the ceiling. Mom climbed in, showing too much familiarity with the ring than would be expected in a non-Circus Mom, and the ring was hoisted away up into the ceiling. Jan said she wanted to be a Circus Dancer. She received a multi-colored wraparound skirt like that worn by the other Circus Dancers, and when she put it on and stepped in with the Dancers she was indistinguishable.

Then Dan spoke up saying he was just a little kid, what could he do? Quite a lot, really. Dan, like Dad, Mom, & Jan, was a ringer. He was actually one of the youngest actors in the Chinese Theatre group which gave three performances throughout the evening. As well as the very athletic Chinese acrobats we were treated to several performances by the Clowns. The Cossack Horse Riders also gave several excellent shows, and were later described by Liz as "yummy". She then had to explain to our 6-year old son with the big ears what "yummy" meant :D

Madame Shamshiva gave two performances which involved a lot of tricks with dogs, cats, and doves, but midway through her second performance I started to develop a dislike for her. The trained animals were very good, I just got bad vibes from her. Maybe it was the way one of the dogs cowered from her and rolled onto his back, which is what he was meant to do, the rolling on the back that is, not the cowering. Maybe it was that she seemed to take all of the credit for the animals, and accepted all the accolades when they performed a difficult trick, rather than directing your applause to the animal who actually performed the trick. Yes, she may have trained them, but to me she gave off a vibe of "I taught him that. Aren't I clever?"

The real highlight of the show was the Globe of Death, or something like that. Three motorbikes (the enduro variety, not street bikes) rode up the ramp and inside the Globe, positioned themselves, then began riding around the inside of the Globe until they were actually riding sideways, then they began riding higher and darting in among each other, crisscrossing in an awesome display of skill (& trust) where one wrong move would have been catastrophic. Then another bike joined them and their dance with death resumed. Then two more bikes rode in and it was just a blur of machinery inside the Globes as everyone rode seemingly at random between everyone else, but in what was obviously a brilliantly choreographed dance. I guess you'd start that with two bikes, but it's not something that could be practiced at slow speeds, because at times the bikes were doing complete loops, riding upside-down across the roof of the Globe, and there's no way you can slowly ride a bike upside down. I forget if there were eventually 6 or 7 bikes inside zipping around and missing each other by inches, but as the riders set a new World Record for 5 bikes inside the Globe of Death way back in 2003, I suspect it was probably 7.

All in all, it was a very enjoyable evening.