Weird Al does it again

"I wanna roll with the gangstas,
but so far they all think I'm too white and nerdy."

Bat Out Of Hell

Photo by (but used without the permission) of Ron Jenkins, photographer for the Fort Worth Star-Telegram, and can be clicked on to view a slightly larger version.
Now aside from the obvious bat to the jaw, what are a few things we can glean from this photograph?

I won't spoil it for anyone. Feel free to post your observations in the comments section.

A WoW entry

This won't be of interest to most of my readers (unless a lot of you play World of Warcraft, and maybe you do).

Last week I went on a Raid to Molten Core, a dungeon filled with some of the biggest & baddest monsters & demons in the game. Lucky I went in with 39 members of one of the baddest guilds on my server. The reason I was going was to get the Petrified Leaf, an item that only drops in MC and which begins a bloody hard quest that will eventually reward me with Rhok'delar, one of the baddest Bows in the World of Warcraft.

This is the same guild whose Onyxia Run I went on a month or two back, and which let me have one of the best helms in the game for my Hunter, as well as letting me have the Dragon Sinew that gets made into the string for the Uber Bow.

So one can get the Leaf and complete the quest, which involves killing four bad asss demons, one at a time, all on your own, and then have an Uber Bow which they can't use because they don't have the Bowstring. I'm lucky enough to have been gifted with both Leaf and Bowstring, I just need to kill the demons.

I took one down the day after I got the Leaf and began the quest, and I was surprised at how easily he went down, especially as I've seen other Hunters have the devil's own time killing this guy.

This morning I took out the second of the four demons. She wasn't as easy as the first demon. I fought her off an on during the least several days, trying different tactics, all to no avail. At one point I even sat back and let another Hunter have a go at her, only to see him take her out on his first attempt. *cry*

But this morning I was finally successful. Two down, two to go.

Out of sight

Today I saw something only a small number of people have witnessed first hand. No, that doesn't make me special. I was just in the right place at the right time :)

As I watched him over breakfast, Hermes maneuvered his own shell and one of his two new shells together, then holding on to the lip of the new shell he quickly swung across and slid into his new home. He'd already been in the new shell last night but was back in one of his old shells this morning, until he changed his mind and changed shells, again.

Both the new shells are a little larger than his two old shells, but one of the new shells is larger again than the other. He chose the smaller of the two new shells, I think he will have more fun playing with the biggest one (he does love to climb) than making use of it as a home. Maybe after he's molted one or two more times he might view the biggest shell as a home instead of a toy.

Allow me to educate you

When you meet an Australian for the first time it is not necessary for you to say "Oh, you're from Australia. Good 'ay, mayte." It is also not necessary to ask if we know your friend or relative from Sydney. Do you know my Uncle from Cleveland. No? Funny that.

G'day is pronounced as I've just typed it. Hard G, followed by Day, as in G-Day. It is not Good 'Ay. If you're not going to make the effort to pronounce it properly, don't even bother trying.

A Koala is not a bear. Like most Aussie mammals it is a marsupial. It may look like a teddy but it's still not a bear. It does not belong to the Bear family. Do not call it a Koala Bear.

An Emu is an E-Mew, not an E-Moo. Importing them doesn't give you the right to change their name. Do cats moo? Do cows mew? See the difference?

When an Aussie (oz-ee not oss-ee) attempts to correct you on the mispronunciation of an Australian word, listen to the man. Your continued mispronunciation only makes you look like a wanker.

Steve Irwin was an actor (and a bit of a galah, see Australian slang term). Most Australians do not dress, talk or act like him. In fact now that he's dead it's a good bet that no Australians act like that. Just because you see four Aussies in loud, colorful shirts dancing around singing children's songs, that doesn't mean we all do it.

Internal Body Clocks, and Golf

Liz's car is in the shop so I had to ride the bus today. Wanting to catch the early bus so I could get to work on time, I set my alarm to 4:30am, 20 minutes earlier than I'd normally get up.

This morning I woke up, rolled over, and looked at the clock; it was 4:29am.

Now this was not my usual wake-up time, and yet my internal body clock woke me just seconds before the alarm was due to go off.

* * *

At the doctor's yesterday I saw a Golf Magazine in the waiting room. A Golf Magazine in a doctor's waiting room. Wow! That's the last place you'd expect to see one.(sarcasm -off) The magazine had Kathy Ireland on the front, because it was actually Golf For Women. Although one could argue that the large number of pages with pretty women on them actually makes this a Golf Magazine for Men :P

Anyway, while looking through the Index there were quite a lot of very good articles about golf (in a Golf Magazine no less :P) that would make this magazine useful for both male and female golfers. One of the articles that wouldn't be so useful to men was the fashion section. Yup, every self-respecting women's magazine has to have a fashion section, even a golf magazine. I pointed that section out to Liz and she promptly turned to the appropriate page and started oohing over all the fashions, shoes (of course), polos, pants, etc.

Later that day, with time to kill before picking up the kids, we stopped by a large clothing discount store where Liz browsed through the shoe section. Go figure ;) She was checking out one pair of shoes and she turned them over to look at the soles. Would these be ok for golf? she asked me. I laughed and told her the soles were not suitable, we needed something with grip. If not spikes (impossible to find on regular shoes) then at least a good tread pattern.

We settled on a pair of shoes that had a nice series of bumps over the sole, but more importantly, a pair which appealed visually to Liz as well ;)

Today Liz said she's going back to find an outfit which matches her new shoes. Golf is fun, she told me :)

Tomorrow while the kids are at school we're going to the local Par 3 Course. It has a driving range as well so Liz can loosen up by hitting a few balls (& cure any headache she might have, inside joke) then we'll play around, and after that we might even play some golf :P

At least the Crocs didn't get him.

Crikey, Steve! You're a bloody idiot. But at least the Crocs didn't get ya, hey?

Let's go, Dodgers! Let's go! Clap clap clap!

JE and I went to the Dodgers vs Colorado game last night. The place was packed. Official attendance count was approx. 50,000 people. Not bad, nothing like the 100,000 or so you get at The G at an AFL game, but for a small baseball stadium it was a big crowd. The parking lot was jam packed as well. We found a spot just about as far from the Pavilion seats as you can get, without being on the other side of the stadium. After walking almost 10 minutes from our car to the stadium we then lined up to get JE a pizza, but someone mentioned they were out of pizzas, so we got him a Dodger Dog instead. The line at the concession stand was pretty long as well and by the time we got to our seats it was bottom of the 3rd and the Dodgers were scoring their first run of the game.

Top of the 4th the Rockies got 3 runs, a lead which the Dodgers promptly erased by scoring 3 runs of their own in the bottom of the 4th. The Dodgers added two more runs, one in the 6th and one in the 8th, while holding the Rockies scoreless for the remainder of the game to take the win. It was an excellent game.

Afterwards everyone traipsed down to the outfield to get a good vantage point for the Fireworks show which JE thought was fantastic. His dad liked it, too :P

I must say, if you don't leave until the end of the game, getting out of Dodger Stadium afterwards can be a nightmare. Everyone takes their own route to the exit, so you end up with at least 5 cars trying to merge into just one lane at the actual exit. Crazy. If you're not aggressive, you don't get out. I might have a little Ford Focus but I've been here a while, and while I'm normally one of the nicest, most polite guys you'll meet, when the need arises I'm one of the most aggressive drivers on the road, or in the parking lot as the case may be. So when people start being rude and think they're cutting in because I have a little car and they have an SUV, they can just get the fu...er...think again.

We got home close to midnight, JE was sound asleep. I carried him upstairs and tried to get him to wake up to pee, to tell Liz about the fireworks, nothing. Head raised for a second, but only to turn the other way and flop back down on my shoulder. I put him into bed and he was dead to the world. There wasn't even a murmered request for a story.

I wasn't far behind him, although I still logged into WoW for a bit. It's nice logging in and having 20 gold waiting for me in the mail from my in-game auctions. I'm saving up for one of the more prestigious "shinies" in WoW, the Epic Mount and I almost have enough gold for it. I killed critters for another hour or so and made another 20 gold, and before I logged I listed a few more auctions which should net me another 10 gold or so. It might seem boring and monotonous just killing mobs for hours on end, but the gold racks up, and I have a friendly guild that likes to chat a lot and most of my guild-mates are my age, married, with kids, so for me WoW is very much a social experience.

I crashed around 1:30 or so then snapped awake at 8:30. Liz made the excellent decision that we should go to Hometown Buffet for breakfast. Yummo! Now I have a tummy full of carb-heavy food, JE is with the in-laws, Amber will be napping real soon. Gonna get me a drink then dive into WoW and make some more gold. Epic Mount! Here I come!

*edit* Saturday night. I now have the gold but the Stormpike Guard don't love me. I need to kill more people, real people (in-game of course :P) to get the Stormpike to like me enough to sell me one of their Turbo Rams.

Forget those blankety-blank Snakes!!!

We got blankety-blank iPods on this blankety-blank Plane!!!

Now if you don't want to read the first two posts (pt I & pt II of the story) in that thread, I'll make a long story short. I know, I know, normally I make a long story even longer, so yes, this goes against my very nature.

Long story short.

US guy onna Plane onna trip to Ottawa goes to the toilet and accidentally drops his iPod in the bowl. He says he didn't realize it at the time so he flushed as per usual, washed his hands, then went back to his seat.

But the iPod didn't flush.

A minute or so later the guy hears one Stewardess talking to the other about there being something in the toilet stopping it from flushing, and maybe if they run some water they can clear it.

All embarrassed, thinking it's something he "did" in the toilet, the guy tries to act nonchalant by hooking up his iPod and tuning everything out...but his iPod is not on his belt, or in his pocket, or in his carry-on. The guy puts 2 & 2 together and realizes where his iPod is and what's blocking the toilet that has the Stewardesses all concerned.

He approaches one of the Stewardesses and informs her that he thinks he dropped his iPod in the toilet, so there's no need to call TSA or anything like that. The Stewardess tells him they already have. They offer their condolences, tell him it's unfortunate, etc. so the guy goes back to his seat and tries to act normal for a passenger whose actions have required that TSA be called.

Shortly before landing in Ottawa the pilot panics the passengers by announcing over the intercom that they've found a suspicious object in the toilet, and when their plane lands it's met by police & customs officers.

Acting on advice from the Stewardesses the guy gets off the plane last and tells a nearby Police Officer that the object is his iPod which fell into the toilet. The Cop takes down his name & license number but doesn't separate him from the passengers, instead everyone is taken to a hangar where they wait some more.

Finally the police announce that a table is being set up and everyone needs to form a line because every single passenger will be interviewed and asked for ID, etc. Our guy lines up but is taken away from his fellow passengers, frisked and subject to a more thorough interview, which included having the hard drive of his iMac searched for "child pornography, hate speech" etc.

The interviewers had a field day when they discovered that this out-of-work online gamer (he's a programmer who is "between jobs" after leaving Amazon.com) was there in Canada to meet a girl from his World of Warcraft guild, in other words, someone he met...online!!! Ooohhh!!! Very suspicious!!!

For five hours our guy and almost every other passenger were detained and questioned over an iPod in the toilet.

Should our guy have been questioned? Yeah, he should have. For 5-hours? Long after the bomb squad had examined his iPod and determined it was nothing more than an iPod? That in itself is questionable.

Cheating to Win

February 1981 was a dark month for the Australian Cricket Team.

On February 1st, in a one-day match (as opposed to a five-day test) between Australia and New Zealand, the game came down to the final ball of the day with the Kiwis needing a six just to tie the Australian's score of 235 runs. A tied game is just that; there is no overtime, the game is declared a tie. As it is impossible to score seven runs off a single delivery the Kiwis really had little chance of victory. Their only real chance lay in the final ball being declared a No Ball or a Wide, in which case the Kiwis would score a single run, and the bowler would be required to bowl another "final ball". The Kiwi batsman would then need to hit this new "final ball" ball almost 100 metres over the boundary fence, on the full. The Cricket equivalent of a Home Run.

In Cricket the Tail End batters are usually the team's bowlers, and are notoriously poor hitters, and the chances of a tail ender hitting a six are fairly slim. There are exceptions. The West Indies team has on occasion fielded a team where almost everyone could be considered a decent batsman. The Aussies themselves have had some big hitting Tail Enders, like Rod Marsh and Shane Warne, who rarely scored big but could usually be counted on to hit a couple of boundaries and maybe a six or two, before going out.

So the chances of the Kiwi batter hitting a six and even tying up the match were very slim.

The Aussie Captain, Ian Chappell, then made what could be considered the greatest mistake of his career. He ordered the Australian bowler, who just happened to be his younger brother, Trevor, to bowl his final ball underarm, which Trevor agreed to do. While slower than a regular over-the-shoulder delivery, the low height of the underarm delivery essentially denied the Kiwi batter any chance at all of hitting a six. Both Australians and New Zealanders were disgusted at the Aussie Cricket Team's actions and the rules of Cricket were shortly rewritten to prevent the underarm delivery from being used unless both Captains agreed beforehand.

The underarm ball was in the rules because it was de rigueur when cricket was first created. Today's over-the-shoulder method, in fact any method where the delivery arm was raised higher than the waist, was severely frowned upon.

It was in the rules. It was considered an acceptable method of bowling. The umpires were aware of Ian's orders to his brother and even informed the Kiwi batsman that the delivery would be underarm. Regardless, it just wasn't cricket. It was unsportsmanlike, and the rules were changed to prevent such low tactics being used in the future.

There was an article in a recent Sports Illustrated about a Little League Championship Match between two teams of nine & ten-year old boys. It's the bottom of the ninth. The batting team is down by one with two outs, but they have a runner on third and their biggest hitter is at the plate. The coach of the fielding team then gave his pitcher orders to walk the big hitter, because waiting behind him was their opponent's weakest hitter. The big hitter got walked, the weak hitter struck out, parents screamed, and the coaching staff almost came to blows. It was a strategic move and one commonly used in the Major Leagues, but these weren't professional adult players, these were little leaguers. Nine and ten year old boys. Learning the hard way how the game is played.

The author of the article stated that walking a batter, even a big hitter, has no place in a Little League game. I would argue that walking a batter has no place in any game, period. I hate seeing a big hitter get walked (unless it's Barry Bonds, they can walk that steroid abusing cheater until he retires and I'll cheer the whole time), I hate seeing a QB kneel down and run the clock out, I hate seeing basketball players deliberately foul a poor free throw shooter when the game is down to the wire (even if it's Shaq).

All of these actions are within the rules, just like bowling underarm, and just like Trevor Chappell's infamous delivery they're all unsportsmanlike. Using the rules to deprive your opponent of even the smallest chance of victory is cheating in my books. One day I'll need to talk to my son about my feelings on this.

People unclear on the concept

An elderly Jewish gentleman marries a much younger woman, but no matter what the husband does sexually, his young wife never achieves an orgasm.

Since a Jewish wife is entitled to sexual pleasure, they approach their rabbi and ask his advice. The rabbi listens to their story, strokes his beard, and makes the following suggestion:

"Hire a strapping young man, and while the two of you are making love, have the young man wave a towel over you. That will help the wife fantasize and bring on an orgasm."

So they go home and follow the rabbi's advice. They hire a handsome young man and he waves a towel over them as they make love, but it doesn't help and the young wife is still unsatisfied. They return to the rabbi and he says, "Let's try it reversed. Have the young man make love to your wife while you wave the towel over them."

Once again, they follow the rabbi's advice. The young man gets into bed with the wife while the husband stands over them waving the towel. The young man goes to work with great enthusiasm and the wife soon has an enormous, room-shaking, earsplitting orgasm.

The elderly husband smiles triumphantly at the young man and says to him, "You see, you young schmuck? That's how you wave a towel!"

My daughter has no say in it

This is the song that will be played at her wedding reception during the daddy-daughter dance.

A real WTF!?!?!?

I was driving home from the Bus Station today and there was this sort of annoying sound coming from the radio. It was on, and tuned into my favorite station, Country 93.9 KZLA...but...that wasn't country music I was hearing. So I turned it up a bit and there was Ace of Base singing their one-hit wonder "I saw the sign."

Um...ok...I kind of like that song, it's catchy, and it's a dance song from my party days...but it's not Country by any stretch.

As I pulled into the driveway Nelly was telling me it's getting hot in here so I should take off all my clothes. No thanks, Nelly, I don't swing that way...and WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING ON MY COUNTRY STATION?!?!?!

Now my radio has been playing up recently. It would cut out then return on its own agenda. Sometimes we would even switch stations but to no avail. If we were listening to KROQ, it didn't matter which button we tried or what frequency the display showed, we continued listening to KROQ.

So I got inside and turned on the stereo in our family room, and there was Nelly, on 93.9, repeating how hot it was.

I went to KZLA's website but the information there was rather ambiguous. I called them but their 800 number was engaged, and their business line wasn't being answered. It wasn't until I emailed their Program Director and immediately got an Out of Office auto-reply that my fears were confirmed.

93.9 is no longer Country but has become Rhythmic A/C, whatever that means.

Actually I know what it means. It means it's time for the Cap'n to get cliche, chew some gum and kick some arses, and the Cap'n is all out of gum.

I need Country music and I need it NOW, DAMMIT!

WTF ? ? ?

Well not really WTF situations, more just random thoughts, but WTF is so much more attention grabbing :)

We'll start off with a real WTF though.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~

"Somebody told me that you had a boyfriend who looks like a girlfriend that I had in February..."

WTF kind of lyrics are these? Is someone's boyfriend/girlfriend a cross dresser? These are the kind of lyrics that generate discussions along the lines of:

"WTF kind of lyrics are these?"

"You just don't understand them."

"You're right, I don't. So explain them to me."

"You wouldn't understand them anyway."

"Noo, that just means you don't understand them either."

"I understand them, I just can't explain them to you because you wouldn't understand them."

"That means you don't understand them."

"I do understand them!"

"So explain them to me."

"You wouldn't understand them."

"WTF EVER!!!"
~ ~ ~ ~ ~

After making a purchase, when you get your change do you like the notes/bills to be a certain way, and do you rearrange them so they're all facing the same way and sorted by value? Or do you just stuff the wad of crumpled up notes into your purse/wallet?

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

What time do you wait to call the cops to report your neighbors for partying too hard & too loud? 10pm? 11pm? Midnight? This is if you don't know your neighbors well enough to get invited to said party, or don't know which of the ignorant SOBs is blasting crappy dance music with way too much bass until 1am Sunday morning.
Is it ok to tell the cops you think you heard gun shots and screaming?
Don't say you did, just say you think you did.
"I don't know, it sounded like gun shots...maybe it was their TV."
~ ~ ~ ~ ~

People who make a left turn from the middle of the road (driving US style, adapt to country of residence) and block you from going past on their right. People who sit in the left lane and don't turn on their turn signal until after they get a green light so you're now stuck behind them while they wait for oncoming traffic. Oncoming drivers who turn left (or right) without using their turn signal so you yield to them thinking they're going straight ahead. People in front of you making a left turn at a light (with their turn signal on) who never pull into the intersection until after the light has changed so you're forced to wait for the next green. People waiting to make a right who "yield" to the pedestrian who needs to cross 6 lanes of traffic before he'd be impeded by their vehicle.

Is it justifiable to shoot any or all of these drivers?
Actually you can get a ticket (here in the U.S.) for not yielding to a Ped even if they just stepped onto the road and it will take them 20 seconds to get to your location.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
"Compact Space Only" - Is it ok to open your door into the side of the SUV shoe-horned into the "Compact" space next to your car? How many times is it permissible to do this? Should "Compact Only" Parking Structures have low entrances that prevent a vehicle taller than 6-feet from entering? Should this be clearly marked, or should it be up to the driver to obey the "Compact Only" sign? Is it ok to wait for the driver of the SUV and taser him when he finally returns? What if it's a soccer mom, is it ok to taser her and the kids? Or just her?

Gillette are officially nuts

A 5-blade razor? With a battery for extra follicle stimulation?

I think it might almost be time to revert to a former look...

My kids freak me out

by doing exactly what I did when I was their age.

A couple of years back I was talking to my Dad on the phone when JE ran across the sofa. He ran across the cushions, but not in the middle of the sofa, he ran across the front of the cushions, where your knees go. Now it's only a 1-foot drop to the floor but it was a wooden floor (maybe even slate, it was at a relative's house on the other side of the country, so I've only ever been there once) and JE was young and fragile and my startled exclamation made my Dad laugh because he knew JE had done something I would have done at his age.

As the wheel turns.

Our daughter, who's not even two, has taken to pushing her small chairs across the floor to our desks and then climbs up to stand on them. This freaks me out as well!

I know a lot of kids break bones playing and just being kids...but I don't want the kids with broken bones to be my kids! I was bad enough as a child and I have the scars to prove it.

Kids, please, just calm down and sit down here in the middle of the floor in this nice, padded room, far away from anything harmful...now stay there for the next 20 years.

Thank you. I feel much better.

Shaving

I doubt it's just me, maybe it is, but I doubt it. When I shave with my electric razor at work I almost always shave my neck and the sides of my face first, leaving the obligatory goatee, one of which I had for a few years. Then I'll shave my chin, leaving a mustache, which gets shaved off last. Sometimes I'll shave the mustache first, leaving a chin-only goatee.

I think I look good with a goatee, a little hard even, especially with my old goatee which at its longest made me look a little like Jim "The Anvil" Neidhart. Pictures are not currently available :P

I don't think I look so good with a mustache.

What, me worry?

Gay Pride

Offer them coffee, and they ask for mud

We had a rather fun "welcome to the new office" meeting yesterday afternoon. It was established that everyone and not just the chiefs & big-wigs will receive key card access to all doors, which was met with a resounding cheer. Previously we'd been forced to come in the front door only, yet we could leave the office by any door. The big-wigs, on the other hand, can come and go as they please.

One Inspector also enquired as to why we couldn't have our drip-filter coffee pot in the new breakroom. Our Bureau Chief asked why we didn't have it. Confusion reigned for a minute as everyone thought everyone else had said NO to the pot, then the Bureau Chief said if we had it, it was fine by him if we set it up. Keep in mind we already have a Keurig machine which makes a freshly brewed 8oz cup of coffee, in the flavor and strength of your choice, whenever you want it, but some people still want the coffee from the pot.

As soon as the meeting was over I located the pot, placed it on the counter next to our Keurig machine, plugged it in, and walked away. In the cupboard above the pot is the grinder, coffee beans and filters, and while I might be in charge of the Keurig machine (ordering supplies, paying bills, etc), I was not the one who brought up the coffee pot topic. I don't want the thing, and I'll be damned if I'm spending half my day making coffee for people. Plus I've been cutting way back on my coffee consumption, some days I don't even have a single cup, so I'm not making 10 pots of coffee a day for other people to drink. It's not in my job description, and until the Bureau Chief tells me I have to do it, I'm not doing it.

This morning the Inspector who spoke up in the meeting stopped by my desk and said to me with a grin that he bet I was glad I had the coffee pot back, just one more thing to take care of.

No, I said, with an equally large shit-eating grin on my face.

You're not going to make the coffee, he asked.

No, I replied, still grinning like a lunatic. If people want coffee from the pot I'm sure someone will make it, I told him.

Like R! the Inspector said, equally happy that "someone else" would be making the coffee.

Now R! might make a pot or two here and there, I thought, but even R! is not going to be happy, or willing, to make every single pot of coffee.

If people want drop filtered coffee instead of hi-tech freshly brewed coffee, they can make it themselves. Mwah hah ha!