When do you let go?

For too long JE had training wheels on his bike, and it was far too rarely that he actually went out and rode. I knew I'd been a poor father when picking up the Bunny from Preschool I saw several of her 4 y/old classmates riding around the playground, on 2-wheel bikes. Oops! Big Oops.

I don't know how old I was when my father taught me to ride a 2-wheel bike, but I never had a bike with training wheels; I went straight from Trike to Bike. I remember being envious of the younger kids with training wheels on their bikes, even though I could already ride a 2-wheeler. I remember talking with one girl who said her Dad had taken one of the training wheels off her younger brother's bike, but she said he didn't even need one training wheel because she'd seen him riding his friends' 2-wheel bikes with no problems.

So when I figured it was time for JE to lose the training wheels, I just took one of them off. That was actually a mistake. Instead of trying to balance, JE would just lean over to the training wheel side. So I took that wheel off too, then holding his seat or handle bars I trotted along beside him while he freaked out. It became almost impossible to get him back on the bike. I had to tell myself not to give in, not to put the training wheels back on.

In a local Thrift Store Liz and I discovered a pre-loved Razor Scooter which looked like it still had quite a few rides left in it. I figured this was a good way for JE to learn to balance on two wheels, or more to the point, to have the confidence in his own ability to balance on two wheels. At first he'd be almost constantly pushing off with one foot, but as his confidence grew he began scooting for longer and longer distances between pushes. We got our daughter a scooter of her own, too, so with both kids having Scooters, and Southern California having somewhat mild winters (except when it pours down raining, which isn't that often), the kids were able to get out and ride a lot.

Every now & then I'd put JE on his bike, and holding onto his seat and running alongside him, we'd do a couple of laps up & down the driveway. Then I realized the little guy had outgrown his old bike; his knees were almost up around his ears as he pedaled, even with the seat fully raised up. It was time to get him a new bike.

With a donation from one Aunty we bought JE a new, bigger bike for Christmas, and as small as it was, it was still pretty tough getting it into and out of the back of the SUV (it came pre-built) then wrestling it into our storage closet until Christmas. Naturally when the big day arrived it was pouring rain, so JE had to wait until the next day to go out on his new bike.

But when he did, what progress he'd made!

I ran along beside/behind him, not quite holding his seat, and he'd ride from one end of the driveway to the other (probably 50 metres or so), then turn around, sometimes on his own, and ride back. Occasionally I'd catch him from toppling over, but more often than not he'd catch himself. He was wobbling all over the place, but he wasn't going down.

And I found myself in a situation that as a parent, I'll have to face quite a few more times in the future, with both of my children.

Letting go.

I'm sure my son can ride by himself without my help. He's already demonstrated that he can turn 180-degrees and right the bike before tipping over. He has trouble getting started without my help, but I seem to recall that was a problem I faced myself when learning to ride. I tried to show him how to push off while standing on one pedal, much like you do on a scooter, but he preferred to start riding while already seated, with me helping him maintain balance. I also recall I used to lean my bike against the fence, climb on, then begin pedaling while simultaneously pushing my bike off the fence.

My son can ride his bike by himself, the issue at hand is him having the confidence to do it all by himself, and not losing that confidence when he takes his first fall, but getting straight back on and riding again. But that's not going to happen if I don't let go.

As parents we need to learn to let go; we need to let our children spread their wings and fly. They'll always be our babies, but they won't always be children.