Office Space

Sunday was my Thirty-tenth birthday, Monday & Tuesday I was out of the office (recovering from my son's Cub Scout Camp on Catalina Island combined with the Bunny's first day of Kindergarten) so my first day back at work was Wednesday. The gang were going to take me to lunch but M had an afternoon meeting, SG had an upset tummy, and A had to go to Personnel (not located in our building), so everyone decided to do breakfast the next day, instead.

"That's cool," I said, "let's go to The Pantry." (Because I looooove their huge slabs of sourdough toast dripping with butter (real butter) and slathered with orange marmalade.)

This morning B, F, L and SG head down to the ATM to get some cash, while M (my supervisor) comes by my cube to get me. "By the way," he says, "we're going to Denny's."

"Not The Pantry?" I ask.

ST chimes in that F (her cube-buddy who apparently started a diet this week) has already picked out her low-cal Denny's breakfast of choice.

M also cites economic reasons behind choosing Denny's over The Pantry. I'm not too sure about that, The Pantry has some low-priced breakfasts, but I decide to keep the peace and go along with them.

Heading downstairs we pass A coming back from Starbucks. Yesterday it was a visit to Personnel, this time he holds up the Starbucks cup and asks for a raincheck...which will never be called in.

We pick up the rest of the gang and head outside to wait for the Dash, which in typical un-Dashlike fashion takes forever (also typically, while waiting two Dashes going the other way pass by on the other side). We finally give up on the Dash and start walking to Denny's (yes, there are Angelenos who walk...sometimes ;) I've never been to this Denny's (they're not exactly one of my favorite places to eat) but apparently it's on Figueroa St. between 8th & 9th. If you're not an Angeleno, that's right across the road from The Pantry.

As we're walking I'm chatting with B, SG & L while the slower walking M, ST & F lag behind. It turns out B would also prefer The Pantry to Denny's because she likes their Portuguese sausage.

I mention how I was looking forward to The Pantry's slab-like slices of sourdough toast (which is nothing like Denny's little squares of sourdough toast).

L and S are both miffed to hear that we're going to Denny's even though I'd wanted to go to The Pantry. "That's not right," they say, "it's your birthday. Let them go to Denny's on their birthday."

I decide that if S and F want to go to Denny's they can, but I'm going to go to The Pantry like I originally wanted. I put this to S, L & B who laugh, but are not quite ready to split up the group.

We get to 9th & Fig. Denny's is halfway up the block on our right, The Pantry is across the street. I make a beeline for the corner while gesturing to M: "I'm going to The Pantry."

M points up the block to Denny's and I point back to The Pantry. The light changes to green and I begin crossing. S and L follow my lead, while B stays behind to talk to M; they miss the light and stay on the other side.

M makes eye contact with me and points up the road to Denny's. I point behind me to The Pantry. M beckons me over and makes a talking gesture. I point to the now red light, beckon him to The Pantry side and also make the talking gesture. M smiles and nods his head.

The light takes a while to change back to green and I can see them talking on the other side. I know B is probably going to bat for me because it's my birthday and I'd requested The Pantry, only to have the location changed on me at the last minute. F is probably being passive aggressive and even though Denny's was most likely her idea is adding little to the conversation. Without F's support ST is probably going to go with whoever is the more vocal. Likewise M will probably yield to B who, like me, wants to eat at The Pantry.

The light changes and they cross over to our side (where we have cookies).

"Here's the thing," says M, "because we thought we were going to Denny's, F & I don't have cash." (This despite F making the earlier trip down to the ATM.)

"That's okay," I say, "I've got $25." I'd checked before putting my plan into action. "That should be good for 2, maybe 3 of us."

M notes that as it's my birthday they're supposed to be paying for me. I agree and say they can pay me back when we get back to the office. I add that if they really want to do Denny's they're welcome to go there, but I was really looking forward to eating at The Pantry. M finally yields and into The Pantry we go.

M, who had breakfast already, orders a slice of apple pie, which looked and smelled delicious, while I gorge myself on 3 giant slabs of sourdough toast, butter & orange marmalade. Everyone seems to have a good time, even (eventually) F, who spends most of the breakfast playing with her Blackberry. (I figure if a Crackhead is addicted to crack then a Blackberry addict should be a Blackhead, but despite my best efforts the gang persist in calling her a Crackberry...I digress.) The bill arrives and breakfast for 7 people comes to $51+tip. Split 6 ways that's a shade under $10 each which, IMO, is more than reasonable when one person is eating for free. Especially considering if we'd gone to Denny's I was going to order their most expensive steak & eggs breakfast >:) so I think they got off lightly.

On the walk back we fall into the same groups as on the way over, and again B, SG, L & I leave M, ST & F in our dust. When we cross at a light which they miss they fall even further behind.

Now safely out of earshot B mentions that she'd talked earlier to ST & F, who chose Denny's because they were on a diet and it offers low-calorie meals. Knowing that they'd be taking me out to lunch (or breakfast) this week, B asked why they hadn't waited to start their diet. Apparently they're on one of those 4-week fad diets, the end of which coincides with F's birthday later this month. Go figure.

Sometimes I feel like Dilbert or Wally. This morning I felt like Office Space's Milton, right up until I pulled a Peter. Or perhaps I was still Milton, just after he was moved to the basement and had the lights turned off on him.

"And if...if they take my stapler...I will...I will set this building on fire..."