A comment over on WWMD about the lengths D&D players will go to get their fix, including trying to play long distance using VOIP tech, inspired me to write this...
DM: Ok, Zygor. Roll to hit, please.
(Sound of dice rolling)
Zygor: Alright! Natural 20!
DM: Again? That's your fifth 20 in a row...not that I'm counting, or accusing you of cheating. But five 20s in a row?
Zygor: Man! I am ON..A..ROLL!!!
DM (sighing): Okay. Fine. Natural 20 it is.
DM (to self): Hmm. Could I? Should I? Yes. Yes, I shall!
DM (out loud): Mwah hah ha!
Zygor: You okay there, man?
DM: Um...er...ahem. Yes. Yeah. Oh, yeah. I'm good. Zygor, because you rolled those five 20s in a row, I need you to make one more throw for me.
Zygor (hesitatingly): Er...okay.
(Sound of dice rolling)
Zygor: It's...a...20?
DM: Are you sure?
Zygor (more confidently): Yep. It's a 20.
DM: Oh. That's too bad. Really. I'm sorry to say this but...
Zygor: Wait! WAIT! My mistake! It's not a 20! It's...a...1?
DM: A 1? You're positive now?
Zygor: Yes! Yes! It's a 1! It's quite clearly a 1! Definitely a 1!
DM: Oh. That's...even worse than the 20. Now not only does your sword break because of how powerful your recent blows have been...
Zygor: It breaks? My sword breaks? Whadda ya mean it breaks? It's a magical sword! It can cut through anything!
DM: Yes, it can, can't it? Which explains why the broken blade so easily penetrates your mithril armor and embeds itself in your stomach. Ooh, that's gotta hurt. Let's see how much.
(Sound of dice rolling)
DM: Oh.
(More dice rolling)
DM: Ooh.
(More dice rolling)
DM: Oh boy. Let's see now...carry the 1...divide by Pi...adjust for the phase of the moon and...Zygor? How much health do you have?
Zygor: Um...158 hit points?
DM: You don't sound too sure.
Zygor: No. No, it's 158. Definitely 158.
DM: That's what I thought too. So, after being stabbed in the belly by your own magical sword you now have 1 hit point left.
Zygor (faintly): 1...hit point...left?
DM: Yep, just the one. Now, as you stand there, dizzily clutching the broken blade protruding from your stomach, your Orc opponent swings his axe and...
(Sound of dice rolling)
DM: Well, whadda ya know? A 20! How about that. Zygor, I'm afraid I've got some bad news for you. Zygor? Zygor?
DM (breaking character): Bob? You there, buddy?
Bob (Zygor no longer): I think I'm going to lie down.
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1 comment:
LOL - yup when 4th Ed came out a bunch of us over here ordered copies of the new Players Handbook and such from Amazon. The handful of games we got to play while we were on the FOB are the first face to face, person to person DnD games I've played in probably 10 years or more. The rest have been just like you said: VOIP or chat client or via e-mail. Just not the same.
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